[ RHYTHMIC CLAPPING AND
STOMPING ]
[ BASS PLAYS JAZZY GROOVE ]
>> [ VOCALIZING ]
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS,
LAUGHTER ]
>> [ Laughing ] I GOT IT ON THE
RETREAT FROM MOSCOW.
[ LAUGHS ]
BUT REALLY, REALLY -- YEAH, OF
COURSE, I'VE BEEN IN LOVE, BUT
IT'S -- WHAT'S -- ALL THAT'S
HAPPENED IS THIS MOMENT COMES
WHEN, YOU KNOW, IT GOES FROM
BEING THIS AMAZING ADVENTURE
THAT YOU'RE BOTH ON TO BEING
REAL LIFE.
>> WORK.
>> AND IT GOES TO BEING WORK.
AND IT'S NOT ALWAYS BEEN ME
WHO'S LOST IT AT THAT POINT.
>> NO, BUT --
>> I HAVE --
>> I'M JUST SAYING WHAT DO YOU
WANT?
>> WASH HIS HANDS AT THAT POINT.
>> RIGHT?
THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE -- WHAT
DO YOU WANT?
>> I'VE HAD A SITUATION WHERE I
REALLY WANTED TO BE WITH THAT
PERSON AND SHE'S BEEN THE ONE
WHO'S, YOU KNOW, PULLED THE
LEVER.
>> WELL, KIND OF, PROBABLY
'CAUSE YOU PULLED AWAY A LITTLE.
>> THERE IS NO WAY TO AVOID THE
REAL LIFE.
>> HEY. WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> OH, MY GOD.
I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT THIS
DUDE.
>> THIS IS ADAM.
>> I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.
>> EMILY -- I'VE TOLD YOU ABOUT
EMILY, TOO.
>> YOU HAVE TO DO YOUR SHIT.
>> THIS IS MY FRIEND WHO HAS
SPECIAL GIFTS.
>> DUDE, YOU HAVE A SPECIAL
GIFT?
I'M CHARLIE.
I HAVE A SPECIAL GIFT, TOO.
>> STOP IT. NO, NO.
HE'S GONNA DO SOME PRESENTATIONS
FOR US.
>> DO IT! DO IT! YES, DO IT!
>> LET THE GUY HAVE A DRINK.
>> CAN I JUST GET A DRINK FI--
>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
GET THE GUY A DRINK. ALL RIGHT.
>> DUDE, GET YOURSELF A CUP.
>> GO GRAB A CUP RIGHT THERE --
RIGHT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE
DOOR.
>> COOL. THANK YOU. YEAH.
>> I CAN'T WAIT.
>> I'LL BE BACK. [ CHUCKLES ]
>> I LIKE THAT DUDE'S SHIRT.
>> YES.
>> WHAT IS HIS SPECIAL GIFT?
>> YOU'LL SEE. YOU'LL SEE.
>> IS IT THIS?
>> SHH. SHUT IT DOWN.
* SHUT IT DOWN
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> SO, YOU KNOW, IT JUST
OCCURRED TO ME THAT THE WHOLE
PROCESS OF -- THE WHOLE RITUAL
OF WRITING AN OBITUARY IS
INCREDIBLY HELPFUL.
>> RIGHT.
>> AND, YOU KNOW, THE IDEA CAME
TO ME -- YOU KNOW, MY BOYFRIEND
AND I BROKE UP AND THEN TWO
WEEKS LATER, MY DAD DIES.
>> SORRY. YEAH.
>> SO, YOU KNOW, OBVIOUSLY THERE
IS A NEED TO GRIEVE WITH BOTH
SITUATIONS, BUT WITH ONE, THE
RITUAL IS BUILT IN.
>> RIGHT.
>> AND THEN THE OTHER ONE,
YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH ON YOU'RE
FUCKING OWN.
SO, I SAT DOWN AND WROTE AN OBIT
FOR MY DAD.
>> YOU KNOW, I THINK THERE WERE
TWO OUTS IN THE BOTTOM OF THE --
IN THE TOP OF THE --
>> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. SASHA.
WHAT, DO YOU LIVE IN THE
FRENCH RIVIERA?
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
>> HA, HA. IT'S NICE, RIGHT?
>> IT'S LIKE CANNES OR
SOMETHING.
>> IT'S STATEN ISLAND, MAX.
>> WOW.
>> YEAH, IT'S REALLY NICE,
ESPECIALLY THIS TIME OF DAY.
>> VERY IMPRESSIVE.
>> YEAH. ANYWAY, IT'S THE TOP OF
THE FIRST, 'CAUSE THEY'RE IN
CAMDEN YARDS.
>> YEAH.
>> UH, A-ROD COMES UP.
IT'S HIS FIRST AT BAT OF THE
SEASON.
IT'S LIKE MID-MAY.
HE MISSED THE FIRST FEW WEEKS
WITH, UM, THIS WHOLE HIP THING,
REMEMBER?
AND THEN THAT STEROIDS -- THERE
WAS LIKE ANOTHER --
>> THE SCANDAL.
>> ANOTHER, LIKE -- YEAH,
ANOTHER, LIKE, STEROIDS
THING HAPPENING AT THAT -- SO
EVERYONE'S, LIKE, HOUNDING HIM,
ALL EYES WERE ON A-ROD.
EVERYONE'S KIND OF WATCHING
EVERY MOVE.
A LOT OF ANTICIPATION -- HOW HE
WAS GONNA -- YOU KNOW, HOW HE
WAS GONNA START THE SEASON.
UM...I REMEMBER, LIKE, IT WAS
WHEN HE CAME UP.
THERE WAS, LIKE, HALF THE CROWD
WAS CHEERING.
HALF THE CROWD WAS BOOING.
IT WAS THIS VERY, LIKE, CONFUSED
AND SCHIZOPHRENIC RECEPTION HE
WAS GETTING.
IT WAS BIZARRE.
I REMEMBER IT BEING, LIKE,
REALLY, LIKE, I DON'T REMEMBER
SEEING ANYONE, YOU KNOW, QUITE
GREETED THIS WAY AT THE
BEGINNING OF THE SEASON.
ANYWAY, HE COMES UP TO THE
PLATE, AND THE VERY -- LIKE,
HE'S LIKE, TO ME, LIKE, I AM SO,
LIKE, ENTHRALLED BY A-ROD, BUT
THERE'S ALSO SOMETHING SO
FUNDAMENTALLY UNLIKABLE ABOUT
HIM.
>> WELL, HE'S A WEIRD GUY.
>> HE IS.
LIKE, HE CARRIES SO MUCH WEIRD
WEIGHT -- AT LEAST FOR ME,
ANYWAYS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
AND HE COMES UP TO THE PLATE,
AND IT'S THE VERY FIRST AT BAT
OF THE SEASON -- FUCKIN' CRUSHES
THE VERY FIRST PITCH HE SEES
INTO LEFT FIELD FOR A HOME RUN.
JUST LIKE THAT --
[ SNAPS FINGERS ]
>> WOW.
>> RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE.
AND THIS IS IN CAMDEN YARDS.
THERE ARE ORIOLES FANS AND
YANKEES FANS.
EVERYBODY IS GOING APESHIT.
LIKE ALL ALLEGIANCES ARE BROKEN
DOWN.
>> SASHA, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT BASEBALL YET
AGAIN.
>> [ CHUCKLES ] WHAT ELSE IS
THERE TO TALK ABOUT?
>> OH, MAN.
>> HE'S A HIGH SCHOLAR.
>> HE'S SOMETHING.
THAT'S FOR -- THAT'S FOR SURE.
I JUST DON'T GET IT, MAN.
>> STILL DON'T GET IT.
>> IT'S A FUCKING STICK AND A
BALL.
IT'S -- IT'S FOR KIDS.
>> TWIGS AND BERRIES.
>> I'LL TELL -- I'LL TELL YOU.
WHAT MAKES BASEBALL -- I THINK,
WHAT MAKES BASEBALL SO GREAT,
MAYBE WHAT MAKES IT THE BEST
GAME OF ALL TIME, IS THAT IT
ALLOWS FOR THE POSSIBILITY --
GENUINE POSSIBILITY, NO MATTER
HOW REMOTE -- FOR PERFECTION TO
OCCUR.
>> OH, MY GOD. IT'S METAPHYSICS.
IMMEDIATELY, HE GOES FOR THE
METAPHYSICS.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
HARI, YOU'D LIKE THIS.
YOU -- YOU KNOW UPDIKE, RIGHT?
JOHN UPDIKE?
>> SURE. SURE.
>> UM, HE WROTE THIS INCREDIBLE
ESSAY ON TED WILLIAMS.
I THINK I SENT THIS TO YOU.
>> YEAH, YOU SENT IT TO ME SO
MANY TIMES, I THINK MY COMPUTER
HAS A YEAST INFECTION.
>> HA. I SEND THIS TO EVERYBODY.
IT'S MY FAVORITE THING TO SEND.
ANYWAY, UH, HE WROTE THIS
AWESOME ESSAY ABOUT
TED WILLIAMS' LAST --
TED WILLIAMS WAS AN INCREDIBLE
BASEBALL PLAYER FROM THE '40s
AND '50s.
>> HALL-OF-FAMER.
>> YEAH. ONE OF THE BEST.
SO, UPDIKE WAS AT HIS VERY LAST
GAME OF HIS CAREER.
AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S THE LAST
GAME OF THE SEASON.
IT'S A MEANINGLESS GAME.
THE ONLY REASON PEOPLE HAVE
GATHERED IN THE STADIUM THAT DAY
IS TO SEE TED WILLIAMS GO OUT,
TO SEE, LIKE, HOW HE'S GONNA SAY
GOODBYE ON THE FIELD.
AND, YOU KNOW, THEY'RE JUST --
EVERYONE'S WATCHING THIS WHOLE
GAME.
THERE'S A SORT OF SWELLING
EXPECTATION.
EVERYONE IS, LIKE, WATCHING AND
HOPING AND PRAYING, YOU KNOW,
FOR SOME SORT OF SPECTACULAR
FINALE TO CROWN THIS INCREDIBLE
CAREER.
AND AS THE CROWD IS SORT OF
WANTING AND HOPING AND WAITING,
UPDIKE WRITES, "UNDERSTAND THAT
WE WERE A CROWD OF RATIONAL
PEOPLE," YOU KNOW?
AND TO ME, THAT PHRASE, THAT
SENTENCE, THAT'S IT.
THAT'S EVERYTHING.
THAT'S WHAT MAKES -- THAT'S WHAT
MAKES, NOT ONLY BASEBALL, BUT
ALL OF SPORTS INCREDIBLE, YOU
KNOW, LIKE REALLY, REALLY
SPECIAL.
LIKE, IT REALLY EMBODIES OUR
NEED FOR SOMETHING MYSTICAL,
TRULY MYSTICAL AND
TRANSCENDENTAL TO OCCUR IN AN
OTHERWISE VERY RIGID AND
STRUCTURED ACTIVITY.
>> OH, [CHUCKLES] MY GOD.
YOU'RE TURNING INTO
SCHOPENHAUER.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
>> ENOUGH. I'M SORRY I ASKED.
>> AND IN THIS GODLESS, COLD,
BLEAK UNIVERSE, IT TURNED AN
ATHEIST LIKE ME INTO A BELIEVER.
>> HE'S GOING ON ABOUT BASEBALL
AND A GODLESS UNIVERSE.
>> THAT'S WHERE I USUALLY LOSE
HIM -- A GODLESS UNIVERSE.
>> SCHOPENHAUER.
>> WOULD YOU REALLY TALK ABOUT
BASEBALL OR MARRIAGE?
>> I AM B-BACK IN MARRIAGE.
>> DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE A
LITTLE FAR AWAY FROM MANHATTAN?
>> I JUST THINK THAT THAT CAN
EXIST OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE, BUT I
CERTAINLY RESPECT AND
UNDERSTAND --
>> AND WHEN I SAY THAT, I MEAN,
I THINK THERE ARE "MARRIAGES"
OF --
>> [ Chuckling ] WHY'D YOU DO
THE QUOTES?
>> WELL, BECAUSE, THEY'RE NOT
ACTUALLY LEGAL.
I THINK THERE ARE PLENTY OF
RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE
"MARRIAGES," AND I AM TALKING
ABOUT THOSE, AS WELL.
>> THAT WOULD BE A PARTY FOUL.
>> YOU CAN'T SWIM THERE, YOU
KNOW?
>> I CAN'T SWIM.
THERE'S A GUY IN THE BUILDING
WHO JET-SKIS TO WORK.
>> OH.
>> YEAH, IN THE SUMMER, HE PUTS
ON HIS LITTLE WET SUIT.
>> [ IMITATES JET-SKI ENGINE ]
>> HE'S LIKE THIS ALPHA
CORPORATE GUY.
>> WOW.
>> BABE, WHAT IS IT ABOUT, UM,
THE FAKE BREASTS IN MIAMI?
>> IS THAT A THING?
>> DO THEY JUST SWELL WITH THE
HUMIDITY?
>> IT'S THE SAME REASON SHE GOT
A C-SECTION.
>> DID YOU SAY HUMILITY OR
HUMIDITY?
>> THE WOMEN IN MIAMI GET
C-SECTIONS SO THEY DON'T MESS IT
UP DOWN UNDER.
>> IN ENGLAND THEY DO THAT, TOO.
THEY CALL IT BEING, "TOO POSH TO
PUSH."
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> NO.
>> I WOULD LOVE FOR ONE MOMENT
IN TIME FOR US TO DO LIKE A
VICE-VERSA.
I WANT MEN FOR ONE DAY TO
UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS TO BE A
WOMAN ON THAT SIDE OF...
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> LIKE, THIS ONE GUY THAT,
LIKE, APPARENTLY WAS ATTRACTED
TO ME AND TOTALLY THOUGHT I WAS
AMAZING AND THEN HE WAS SCARED
TO DO ANYTHING.
AND I WOULD GO OUT ON DATES WITH
HIM AND HE WOULD BE LIKE,
"OKAY," AND HE'D, LIKE, PUT ME
IN THE CAB AND I'D BE LIKE,
"JUST FUCK ME ALREADY."
AND I'D CRY AND CRY.
>> I SPENT, LIKE, SOME TIME WITH
THE TEAM AND I WAS IN FLORENCE.
>> YOU WENT TO FLORENCE?
YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WENT TO
FLORENCE.
>> YEAH, I WENT TO FLORENCE.
>> HOW WAS THAT?
>> IT WAS ALL RIGHT.
IT WAS ALL RIGHT.
I ACTUALLY SAW A COUPLE OF GAMES
THIS TIME.
YOU KNOW, THEY GOT -- THEY GOT
THIS, UH -- THEY GOT THIS, LIKE,
6'9" KID FROM BRAZIL WHO HAS,
LIKE, A CROSSOVER THAT'LL BREAK
BOTH YOUR ANKLES JUST WATCHING
HIM.
>> OH, YEAH. COOL.
I REALLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THEIR
TEAM THIS YEAR.
THAT'S GREAT. [ CHUCKLES ]
DID YOU SEE HER?
>> YEAH, I SAW HER.
>> HOW'D IT GO?
>> IT WAS FINE.
SHE'S, UH -- SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.
SHE'S, UM, MARRIED.
SHE HAS A KID.
>> GOT A KID?
WOW.
DID YOU MEET THE HUSBAND?
>> NO, BUT WE WENT TO A PARK AND
HER KID JUMPED ON THE SWING AND
I, LIKE, PUSHED HIM A COUPLE
TIMES.
AND, UH, IT WAS LIKE
"KRAMER vs. KRAMER," EXCEPT
WE'RE NOT MARRIED AND IT WASN'T
MY KID.
>> SO IT WAS NOTHING LIKE
"KRAMER vs. KRAMER."
>> UNFORTUNATELY NOT.
>> [ CHUCKLES ] UNFORTUNATELY,
THE METAPHOR BREAKS DOWN.
>> WOW.
[ Chuckling ] IS THAT...
WOW. IS THAT ELECTRIC?
I MEAN, [CHUCKLES] THAT --
>> IS IT THAT OBVIOUS?
>> YEAH. IT'S --
>> REALLY? I THOUGHT I WAS TRY--
I WAS TRYING TO KEEP IT ON THE
DL.
>> OH, YOU GOT AN ELECTRIC
TRAIN -- T-TOY TRAIN SET?
YOU GOT SOME TOYS?
>> IT'S A BUILDING-CODE THING.
>> YEAH?
>> IT'S NOT ALLOWED.
THERE'S A NO-OPEN-FLAME-PIT
POLICY.
>> HMM.
>> IN FACT, IT'S A CITY-WIDE
ORDINANCE, I LEARNED.
YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY OPEN-FLAME
PITS ANYWHERE IN THE CITY.
>> HMM.
>> EXCEPT THE ONLY PLACE YOU CAN
DO IT IS IN DESIGNATED AREAS OF
CITY PARKS.
>> ARE YOU RUNNING FOR CITY
COUNCILMAN?
>> [ CHUCKLES ] THERE WAS A
KINDER WAY TO SAY THAT.
>> YEAH.
YOU GOT MY VOTE, MY FRIEND.
>> THANK YOU.
"WE'LL SEE YOU AT THE BALLOT BOX
ON TUESDAY."
>> WHAT ABOUT YOU?
ARE YOU STILL CHASING MIA?
I FIGURED SHE'D BE HERE BY NOW.
I THOUGHT SHE'D COME RUNNING
AROUND THE CORNER OR SOMETHING.
>> SHE'S COMING. I INVITED HER.
>> OH, SO THAT'S A YES THEN?
>> NO, THAT'S A NO THEN.
>> REALLY?
>> I'M OVER ALL THAT, LEE.
>> YOU SURE?
>> YEAH. I'M SURE.
>> YOU'RE REALLY, REALLY,
REALLY, REALLY OVER ALL THAT?
>> LEE, I HAVEN'T SPOKE TO HER
IN OVER A MONTH.
THE DEFENSE RESTS.
>> YOU SEEING ANYBODY ELSE?
>> I GOT A FEW HONIES ON THE
RADAR.
>> YEAH?
>> MM-HMM.
>> YOU GOT A STABLE?
>> I GOT A SMALL STABLE.
>> UH-HUH.
>> I GOT NOTHING. I'M COLD.
I'M EMPTY.
>> WELL, IT'S A GOOD THING MIA
IS COMING.
>> IT IS.
IT WILL BE NICE TO SEE HER.
ALL RIGHT.
I GOT TO GET AN EXTENSION CORD
AND, UM, SOME FOOD.
YOU ALL RIGHT?
>> SHE IS A COUPLES' THERAPIST.
I WAS SPEAKING TO HER.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE MAJOR
PROBLEM BETWEEN, UM, COUPLES?
>> I GUESS...MONEY?
>> EXACTLY.
I WAS KIND OF SURPRISED TO HEAR
THAT, NO?
>> NO. NO. NO.
>> NO?
>> PEOPLE ARE, YOU KNOW, SO
READY TO TALK ABOUT THEIR, YOU
KNOW, SCARRING CHILDHOOD
EXPERIENCES...
>> MM-HMM. MM-HMM. MM-HMM.
>> ...AND, YOU KNOW, THE FIRST
TO VOLUNTEER ABOUT THEIR
TROUBLING, YOU KNOW, SEXUAL
PROCLIVITIES.
>> AND THEN HE WAS, LIKE, HE WAS
REALLY DIM.
SO I COULDN'T REALLY MAKE IT
WORK.
>> HE WAS DUMB AND HE HAD A
SMALL PENIS.
>> WHAT ABOUT THE LAST TIME I
GOT A BRAZILIAN BIKINI WAX, AS
IT'S HAPPENING, SHE GOES,
"UH-OH."
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WAIT -- WHAT?
>> THAT IS THE WORST THING YOU
CAN SAY DURING SUCH A THING.
>> KYLE. WHAT'S UP?
>> SHE WENT IN FOR A BRAZILIAN
AND SHE CAME OUT WITH A
CLITERECTOMY.
>> NO, NO. YOU HEARD RIGHT.
NO, I GOT IN THURSDAY.
I'M HERE TILL TUESDAY.
YEAH. I'M OVER AT SASHA'S.
THERE'S THIS LITTLE BARBECUE
THING HAPPENING -- ABOUT 15
PEOPLE ON HIS VERANDA.
YEAH.
NO, NO. YOU SHOULD --
YOU SHOULD COME OVER.
YEAH, YEAH. COME OVER.
OTHERWISE, YOU'LL ONLY GET TO
SEE ME DOWN IN ATLANTIC CITY,
WHERE I'LL BE GAMBLING WITH ALL
KINDS OF PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE
THEY SHOULD BE IN WENDY'S
COMMERCIALS.
>> I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
>> YEAH -- NO, NO.
IT'S TOTALLY FINE.
IN FACT, HE'S -- HE'S RIGHT HERE
AND HE SAYS IT'S FINE.
YEAH.
NO, JUST JUMP ON THE VERRAZANO.
COOL. AWESOME.
OKAY, COOL.
I'LL SEE YOU IN A FEW MINUTES.
YEAH, HURRY UP, BECAUSE WE'RE
GONNA START EATING ALL THIS
STUFF.
>> THAT GAME'S ANNOYING.
>> IT'S FUCKING ANNOYING.
>> KYLE? YEAH. YEAH.
OKAY. COOL.
>> IT DOESN'T WORK HERE.
>> FOUND IT.
>> UH, KYLE JUST CALLED.
>> OH, YEAH?
WHAT'S HE UP TO?
>> HE'S, UH, HE'S COMING OVER.
>> YOU INVITED HIM HERE?
>> YEAH. JUST NOW ON THE PHONE.
HE'S IN BROOKLYN.
HE'S GONNA JUMP ON THE
VERRAZANO, YEAH.
>> WHY'D YOU INVITE HIM?
>> [ Chuckling ] WHY DID I
INVITE HIM?
BECAUSE HE'S KYLE.
HE'S, LIKE, OUR OLDEST FRIEND.
>> YOU DON'T THINK YOU COULD
HAVE ASKED ME FIRST?
>> I COULD HAVE ASKED YOU FIRST?
>> YOU DON'T THINK YOU COULD
HAVE WALKED SIX FEET THAT WAY
AND ASKED ME?
>> AND ISSUED YOU A FORMAL
PERMISSION SLIP?
>> I'M THE HOST OF THE PARTY.
IT'S MY LITTLE PLACE.
YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST CHECKED
IN WITH ME, DON'T YOU THINK?
>> WHAT'S WITH THE FORMALITY?
>> WHAT'S WITH THE DISCARDING OF
COMMON COURTESY?
>> DID SOMETHING HAPPEN WITH YOU
AND KYLE?
>> I'M JUST SAYING YOU COULD
HAVE ASKED ME.
THE REASON I HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO
MIA IN OVER A MONTH IS 'CAUSE
SHE AND KYLE BRIEFLY...
DATED -- IF THAT'S EVEN THE
RIGHT WORD.
>> WOW.
>> THAT WAS SO -- [ SIGHS ]
>> ARE THEY STILL DATING?
>> WELL, NO.
YOU KNOW, IT'S -- YOU KNOW, IT'S
KYLE, YOU KNOW?
IT LASTED FIVE WEEKS AND THEN IT
ENDED...OBVIOUSLY.
>> OBVIOUSLY. YEAH.
WOW, WHAT A DICK MOVE.
>> CAN YOU CALL HIM AND TELL HIM
NOT TO COME?
>> I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT. NO.
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT
GONNA DO THAT?
DUDE, YOU CALLED HIM A FUCKING
MINUTE AGO.
JUST CALL HIM AND TELL HIM --
>> IT'S KYLE -- HE'S, LIKE, OUR
OLDEST FRIEND.
HE'S GONNA SHOW UP.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME DRINKS.
HE'S GONNA ACT LIKE A GOOFBALL.
IT'S GONNA BE FINE.
>> LEE, I DON'T WANT HIM HERE.
IT'S GONNA BE WEIRD.
JUST GIVE HIM A CALL AND SAY HE
CAN'T MAKE IT.
>> SASHA, IF THIS HAPPENED IN
EUROPE, WE'D ALL DRINK SOME
CHILLED PASTIS AND PUT OUR
SPEEDOS ON AND JUMP IN THE SEA.
>> A-AND HAVE A BIG ORGY.
LIKE, IF IT WERE -- WE'RE NOT IN
ITALY ANYMORE, [CHUCKLES] OKAY?
THIS IS STATEN ISLAND.
WE DRINK SHITTY BEER, YOU KNOW?
WE JERK OFF. WE HOLD GRUDGES.
THAT'S WHAT WE DO HERE.
JUST DON'T MAKE IT A BIG DEAL.
JUST CALL HIM AND SAY SOMETHING
CAME UP AND BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
>> I'M NOT GONNA CALL HIM.
>> LEE, I-I CAN'T FUCKING DEAL
WITH THIS THIS AFTERNOON.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF YOU WERE, UH, REALLY OVER
MIA, YOU'D PROBABLY BE ABLE TO
HANDLE THIS JUST FINE.
>> [ Chuckling ] YOU ARE SUCH A
DOUCHE.
>> I'M A DOUCHE.
>> YOU'RE NOT GONNA CALL HIM,
ARE YOU?
>> NO.
>> MM-HMM. OKAY. FINE.
I NEED A DRINK.
HOW YOU GUYS DOING?
>> WE WOULD LIKE ANOTHER DRINK
PLEASE.
>> OHH. MY PAPA. MMM.
>> YOU WANT A DRINK, AS WELL?
>> YEAH, PLEASE.
>> OH, JUST A LITTLE
REFRESHMENT.
>> ANOTHER WHITE WINE FOR ME.
THANK YOU.
>> WHITE WINE.
YOU'RE NOT FINISHED.
DO YOU WANT TO FINISH THAT?
>> UH, OKAY, THANKS.
>> I MEAN, EVERY DROP COUNTS,
RIGHT?
>> MM-HMM.
>> IN TH-- IN THESE TIMES.
IN THESE TOUGH TIMES.
>> HYDRATION STATION.
HEY, HOW IS YOUR BOOK GOING?
>> UH, IT'S GOING OKAY.
I GOT, UH, FIVE WEEKS UNTIL I
HAVE TO HAND OUT THE FIRST DRAFT
TO THE EDITOR.
>> MM-HMM.
>> YEAH?
>> WELL, HOPEFULLY, IT'S
SOMEWHAT CLOSE TO WHAT EVERYONE
THINKS.
>> SO HAVE YOU BEEN BLUFFING, OR
ARE YOU REALLY -- ARE YOU UP TO
SPEED?
>> UH, I'D SAY IT'S A MIX AND
MATCH.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
>> YOU'RE WRITING BOOK?
>> MM-HMM. YEAH.
>> HE'S WRITING A BOOK ON THE --
THE -- THE -- THE -- THE
GREATEST, UH, SPORTS FAILURES IN
HISTORY?
>> YEAH, BASICALLY.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
IT KIND OF EXPLORES THE
DIFFERENT TYPES OF COLLAPSE
WE'VE SEEN IN SPORTS OVER THE
PAST FEW YEARS AND SAME WITH
HISTORY.
>> ARCHETYPAL COLLAPSES.
>> THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S IN THE FORWARD.
>> OKAY.
>> SEEING IF OUR HISTORY CAN
TEACH US ANY LESSONS -- THAT
SORT OF THING.
>> INTERESTING.
>> JONATHAN'S ALSO A
PSYCHOLOGIST.
>> OH, YOU ARE? COOL.
>> MM-HMM.
>> WHAT'S YOUR FIELD?
>> WELL, I WAS DOING MOSTLY
RESEARCH ON, UH, UM, UH,
TREATMENT-RESISTANT DEPRESSION.
UH, BUT I'VE BEEN WORKING LATELY
IN THE FIELD OF, UH, INTENSIVE,
SHORT-TERM, DYNAMIC
PSYCHOTHERAPY, YOU KNOW, UH,
DEALING WITH TRAUMA CASES, ABUSE
VICTIMS, SO ON AND SO FORTH.
>> COOL. GREAT.
>> YOU DO SPORTS?
>> I DO SPORTS. YEAH.
>> OKAY, THAT'S ONE THING I
DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT,
RIGHT?
>> HE DOES SPORTS.
>> YEAH, WELL, TRAUMA, ABUSE
VICTIMS -- THEY KIND OF TEND TO
HOG UP THE SPOTLIGHT THESE DAYS.
>> UH-HUH. RIGHT.
>> ATHLETES -- THEY'RE THE ONES
WHO REALLY NEED SOME HELP.
>> WELL, WE ALL NEED A LITTLE
MONEY, RIGHT?
>> HEAR, HEAR. THAT'S RIGHT.
>> COMPLETELY.
>> ALL RIGHT.
I'LL GET YOU SOME DRINKS.
>> OKAY. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU, SIR.
>> LOOK WHO'S ALL GROWN UP.
>> TRYING.
>> * HELLO SUDOKU
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> [ CHUCKLES ] WHO, UH...
>> I WAS OPEN TO MEETING --
WHERE IS THE MAN THAT EVERYONE
TALKS ABOUT?
WHERE IS HE?
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> I WAS OPEN TO THAT, AND YOU
KNOW WHAT I GOT.
>> CHLAMYDIA?
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> I WISH I WAS LIKE THAT.
>> WHAT -- THAT YOU COULD, JUST,
LIKE SLEEP WITH...
>> I'VE NEVER DONE THAT.
I'VE NEVER HAD A ONE-NIGHT
STAND.
AFTER A ONE-NIGHT STAND, I'M
ALWAYS LIKE, "HERE'S THE KEY TO
MY APARTMENT."
>> WELL, THESE DON'T SOUND LIKE
ONE-NIGHT STANDS, RIGHT?
>> * LET'S GET MARRIED
>> THEY'RE NOT REALLY ONE-NIGHT
STANDS.
>> THEY'RE DUDES THAT YOU KNEW.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
IT'S NOT A TRUE -- I HAD ONE
TRUE ONE.
>> WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
>> SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT IT
AND I WANT TO THROW UP IN MY
MOUTH.
>> DIFFERENT TABLE.
>> CAN I JUST SAY, I HAVE --
CERTAINLY, THERE IS THIS
THING THAT MEN HAVE WHEN THEY'RE
SO ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE THAT
THEY'RE THAT IT'S...
OFTEN, THE BEST SEX THAT YOU
EVER HAVE ARE WITH PEOPLE THAT
YOU DON'T LIKE AS MUCH, BECAUSE
IT'S EASIER.
>> IT'S EASIER.
>> I HAD NO IDEA.
>> AWW. YOU LOOK GREAT.
>> YEAH, IT HAS BEEN.
THIS IS MY FRIEND, KIKO.
>> MIA!
>> THIS IS LEE!
>> MIA!
>> HI.
>> HI. [ CHUCKLES ]
>> NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> KIKO, NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> GOSH, IT'S AMAZING OUT HERE.
>> I KNOW. LOOK AT THE LIGHTS.
IT'S LOOKS LIKE A LITTLE TOY
CITY OVER THERE, DOESN'T IT?
>> BEAUTIFUL. I LIKE IT.
>> PUT IT ON A BIRTHDAY CAKE.
>> HEY!
>> OH, SHIT. WHAT'S UP, GIRL?
HOW ARE YOU?
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DO, BUT
EVERY TIME I SAY THE WORD
"BIRTHDAY CAKE," GIRLS WALK AWAY
FROM ME.
>> THEY -- THEY HAVE TO DELAY
GRATIFICATION TO BLOW OUT THE
CANDLES.
DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT?
[ DOOR OPENS ]
[ UP-TEMPO JAZZ PLAYS ]
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
>> ADAM IS OUR...
SECRET WEAPON OF THE DAY.
HE HAS SOME SPECIAL GIFTS HE'S
GOING TO SHARE WITH US IF YOU
COAX HIM ENOUGH AND YOU KEEP HIS
GLASS FULL.
>> OH, YEAH?
>> APPARENTLY, HE NEEDS, LIKE,
ABOUT A HALF A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY
TO BE PREPARED.
SO I'M GONNA BE ON THAT.
>> WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL GIFT?
>> [ CHUCKLES ] KIKO, DO YOU
WANT SOME WINE?
>> UM, YES. AND VODKA.
YES, WINE.
[ Transylvanian accent ] WINE
PLEASE.
>> WELL, LET ME ASK.
>> HOW YOU DOING?
>> I'M OKAY.
>> MM-HMM.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
>> GOT SOME PEANUTS ON ME?
>> YEAH. HOW ARE YOU?
>> THANKS FOR COMING.
YOU GO FIRST. [ CHUCKLES ]
>> THANKS FOR INVITING ME.
HOW ARE YOU?
>> UH, I'M DOING WELL. THANKS.
>> YEAH?
>> YOU INVITED A -- YOU BROUGHT
A FRIEND?
>> I BROUGHT KIKO.
>> KIKO.
>> IS THAT OKAY?
>> YEAH. OF COURSE.
>> SHE WAS WITH ME TODAY AND
BROUGHT HER ALONG.
>> SURE. COOL.
>> HOW IS THE BOOK?
HOW IS YOUR LIFE? HOW IS --
>> LIFE IS OKAY.
THE BOOK IS OKAY.
FIVE WEEKS UNTIL I HAND IT OFF
TO THE EDITOR FOR THE FIRST
GO-THROUGH.
>> ARE YOU OKAY WITH THAT?
>> I THINK SO.
IS SH GONNA BE OKAY WITH THAT.
THAT'S THE QUESTION.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
>> HOW ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO?
>> UM...WORKING MOSTLY.
TRYING TO KEEP BUSY.
>> MM-HMM.
YOU WANT A DRINK?
>> DESPERATELY.
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
>> VODKA SODA?
>> VODKA SODA WOULD BE GOOD.
>> STILL DRINK IT LIKE THAT?
OKAY.
>> YEAH.
>> OKAY.
>> WAIT -- ARE YOU PLUGGING YOUR
GRILL IN?
>> YEAH, IT'S, UH, BUILDING
CODES.
YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY OPEN-FLAME
PITS.
>> YOU GOT AN ELECTRIC GRILL.
>> YEAH.
>> SO YOU'VE REALLY MOVED UP IN
THE WORLD.
>> [ CHUCKLES ] I'M JUST TRYING
TO PLAY BY THE RULES.
IT'S A CITY-WIDE ORD-- IT HAS TO
BE ABOUT FOUR, BY THE WAY.
IF ANYBODY CHANGES THAT.
>> DID YOU TRY --
>> DRINKS. FORGOT.
>> OH, MY GOD.
I WAS GONNA PUT OUT A
MISSING-PERSONS REPORT -- AMBER
ALERT.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
>> SHIT.
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
>> LEE!
>> DID YOU TRY ON YOUR POKER
FACE?
>> OH, EXCUSE ME.
>> SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO, UH, RIP YOU...
>> NO, IT'S COOL.
>> WHAT'S THE STORY?
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
>> I'M HERE BECAUSE I'M ACTUALLY
PLAYING IN A TOURNAMENT IN
ATLANTIC CITY.
>> POKER.
>> THREE-DAY TOURNAMENT, BUY-IN.
YEAH. YEAH. POKER. YEAH.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HAVE FOUND THIS NEW GAME THAT
I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT...
>> DO TELL.
>> ...WHICH HAS REPLACED EVERY
SINGLE CRUSHED LADY EXPERIENCE
I'VE EVER HAD.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
>> AND IT'S CALLED BACKGAMMON.
YOU'VE HEARD OF IT, RIGHT?
>> THAT -- THAT'S MY GAME.
>> WHAT?
>> I'M HALF GREEK -- IT'S LIKE
BACKGAMMON AND YOGURT.
THAT'S -- THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
>> WELL, WE GOT TO PLAY LIKE
RIGHT NOW.
>> LET'S DO IT.
LET'S DO IT.
>> DOES HE HAVE A BOARD?
>> IT'S FUCKING SASHA.
HE HAS EVERY GAME KNOWN TO MAN.
>> LOOK WHO'S HERE.
>> SHE'S NOT ANYTHING TOO
SPECIAL, RIGHT?
>> HEY, BADASS.
>> SAY NO. SAY NO. SAY NO.
>> Both: MWAH!
>> NICE TO SEE YOU.
YOU SMELL YUMMY.
>> OH, THANK YOU.
>> YOU'RE WELCOME.
>> HI.
>> I'M JONATHAN.
>> I'M LEYLA.
IT'S VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> VERY NICE TO MEET YOU, LEYLA.
HI. HOW ARE YOU?
WELCOME TO THIS...GORGEOUSNESS.
>> GORGEOUS.
>> MM-HMM.
>> LOOK AT THAT VIEW.
>> CAN I JUST SAY, UM --
* SMOKE ON THE WATER
[ VOCALIZING GUITAR RIFF
TOGETHER ]
>> [ GIGGLES ]
>> A LITTLE BLUE OYSTER CULT --
DON'T WANT TO SCARE YOU.
BUT SPEAKING OF THE WATER, HOW
WAS YOUR -- HOW WAS YOUR -- HOW
WAS YOUR TRIP?
>> UH, [SIGHS] WELL, IT WAS KIND
OF AWFUL, [Chuckling] ACTUALLY.
>> REALLY?
>> [ Chuckling ] YES.
>> WHAT WAS AWFUL ABOUT IT?
I MEAN, IT'S FREE.
>> I KNOW, BUT, LIKE, I WAS,
LIKE, TOTALLY STOKED AND
EVERYTHING.
THIS GUY SAT DOWN NEXT TO ME.
HE WAS DRESSED IN
DALLAS COWBOYS' GEAR.
I FUCKING HATE FOOTBALL.
AND HE STARTS, LIKE, TELLING ME
THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE
DALLAS COWBOYS.
APPARENTLY, THEY WERE NAMED...
>> HEY, LEE.
>> ...THE RANGERS, THEN THE
COWBOYS.
[ BACKGAMMON PIECES CLATTER ]
>> I FOUND IT.
>> I COULD HAVE BROUGHT DOWN --
>> THIS WASN'T HERE BEFORE,
RIGHT?
>> BACKGAMMON FANTASIA.
RIGHT HERE.
WOW. LOOK AT THIS BOARD.
IT'S LIKE SOMETHING YOU GET FROM
HAMMACHER SCHLEMMER.
>> THIS IS WHY I KNOW I CAN
COUNT ON YOU, MAN.
YOU SET UP THE PODIUM.
>> I DID.
>> WE'RE GOOD TO GO.
YOU DO IT FOR ME, OR IS IT A
CAREER?
ADDICT.
>> YOU KNOW I'M AN ADDICT.
>> [ CHUCKLES ] WELL, WE'RE ALL
ADDICTS IN OUR OWN WAY.
HEY.
>> I'M GONNA CHALLENGE THE
WINNER.
>> WOW.
YOU JUST SHOWED UP SO FAST.
YOU'RE GONNA CHALLENGE THE --
WE GOT, LIKE, A WHOLE --
>> I FLEW IN FOR THIS.
>> A BACKGAMMON COMEBACK.
UNBELIEVABLE.
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, I'M IRANIAN.
THIS IS WHAT WE DO.
>> OH.
>> WELL, YOU'RE IRANIAN.
SHE'S GREEK.
WE HAVE A BACKGAMMON
INTERNATIONAL SUMMIT HAPPENING.
>> YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW, WE
INVENTED THE GAME.
>> OH.
>> HER PEOPLE INVENTED SODOMY.
>> JESUS CHRIST.
>> WELL, I HAVE A VARSITY LETTER
IN SODOMY, SO WE'RE --
>> SODOMY AND DEMOCRACY -- I
BELIEVE THAT'S THE PILLARS OF
MODERN SOCIETY.
>> AH, YES.
YES, THEY CERTAINLY ARE.
GREECE -- WHERE MEN ARE MEN AND
SHEEP ARE SCARED.
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
>> [ Chuckling ] DO YOU GUYS
KNOW EACH OTHER?
>> OH.
>> NO, BUT I WANT TO KNOW YOU
RIGHT NOW.
>> HEY. I'M LEYLA.
>> HI, LEYLA. I'M LEE.
>> IT'S VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
SIT IN. SIT IN FOR ME.
>> NO, I DON'T WANT TO
INTERRUPT.
>> I'M GONNA GO CHECK ON SASHA
OVER THERE.
YEAH.
YOU SHOULD WATCH OUT FOR THIS
GUY.
THIS IS HIS, UH, DAY JOB.
>> [ Chuckling ] WHAT?
YOU PLAY THIS PROFESSIONALLY?
>> AMONG OTHER THINGS.
I'M ALSO -- I AM ALSO -- I DO
TOPIARY AND I -- AND I -- AND I
SHEER SHEEP.
>> THOSE ARE REAL JOBS, BUT
BACKGAMMON IS LIKE, I MEAN,
TO BE HONEST, LIKE WHAT THE
UNEMPLOYED DO.
>> WELL, THAT'S WHAT MY PARENTS
SAY, TOO.
>> "CHARACTER TEACHES ABOVE OUR
WILL."
MAYBE THAT'S IT.
AND SO YOU CAN HAVE THIS IDEA OF
WHO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO SEE AND
WHO YOU WANT TO BE IN YOUR WHOLE
PERSONALITY, BUT YOUR CHARACTER
IS GOING TO BE MUTINOUS ENOUGH
AND IT'S GOING TO -- IT'S GOING
TO BE THIS FAULT LINE THAT IS
GOING TO, YOU KNOW, KIND OF
UPSET THIS -- THIS PERSONA YOU
WANT.
>> MM.
>> I MEAN, NOT THAT I NEED TO
EXPLAIN IT.
YOU'RE A DEEP THINKER.
I MEAN, YOU READ
SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN.
WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> SO ARE WE FRIENDS AGAIN?
>> WE WERE NEVER NOT FRIENDS.
>> I WAS BEGINNING TO WONDER.
>> [ COUGHS ]
>> I'M REALLY SORRY YOU GOT
HURT.
>> YEAH.
>> ALL RIGHT.
I'M READY.
I'M READY TO BE YOUR, UM...
>> MY -- MY GIRL SLAVE?
>> [ CHUCKLES ] I'M READY TO BE
YOUR GIRL SLAVE.
[ CHUCKLES ]
>> SO NOW THIS ARTICLE IS ABOUT
A STROKE VICTIM.
HE HAD HAD TWO STROKES.
VISUAL CORTEX --
[ MAKES BUZZER NOISE ]
KAPUT. OVER. RIGHT?
>> MM-HMM.
>> SO THE RETINAS WERE STILL
FUNCTIONING PERFECTLY.
THEY PICKED UP THE OBJECT.
THE INFORMATION BYPASSES THE
VISUAL CORTEX -- 'CAUSE THAT'S
BROKEN -- GOES TO ANOTHER AREA
OF THE BRAIN, WHICH PROCESSES
THE INFORMATION.
SO THE STROKE VICTIM GOES ON AN
OBSTACLE COURSE.
HE DOESN'T BUMP INTO ANYTHING --
NOTHING!
>> [ Laughing ] SHUT UP. NO.
>> HE COULD HOLD UP HOW MANY
FINGERS?
FOUR.
HOW MANY FINGERS? TWO.
AND THEY CALL THIS BLINDSIGHT.
HE COULD SENSE THE IMAGE.
HE COULD FEEL IT, HE SAID.
>> WHO IS RUNNING BLIND PEOPLE
ON OBSTACLE COURSES?
LIKE HOW DO YOU -- HOW DO YOU
POSE THAT TO SOMEONE?
>> THESE CHRISTIAN BITCHES WERE
LIKE, "PUT IT IN THE REAR END,
BECAUSE MY FRONT'S FOR JESUS."
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT PART'S FOR MY HUSBAND.
>> ALL FOR HIS SAKE.
SASHA. SASHA.
>> THAT'S TOTALLY DELUSIONAL.
>> SAVE ME FROM THIS SITUATION.
TH--THIS -- IT'S DEGENERATING
LIKE ANYTHING.
>> WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> ADAM -- GET ADAM TO DO
WHATEVER HIS THING IS.
>> WHAT DO THEY KEEP TALKING
ABOUT?
>> I MEAN, HE JUST KEEPS HOLDING
OUT ON US.
>> ADAM, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
I THINK YOU -- I THINK YOU'VE
TORTURED THEM LONG ENOUGH.
>> DO IT ALREADY.
>> DO IT! DO IT!
>> COME ON. LET'S GO. LET'S GO.
>> DO THIS MYSTERIOUS --
>> IT'S PRETTY GOOD. WATCH THIS.
>> [ IMITATING BEAT BOX ]
>> OH.
>> OH, SHIT.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
>> NICE.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
>> WHAT THE FUCK?
>> [ Chuckling ] THIS IS
SERIOUS.
>> [ VOCALIZING, IMITATES DEEJAY
SCRATCHING VINYL ]
>> OH, SHIT, THAT'S SO GOOD.
>> THIS IS A VIRGIN.
[ LAUGHTER, CHEERS AND
APPLAUSE ]
>> I WAS GONNA TELL YOU.
I WAS GONNA TELL YOU.
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?
>> FIRST OF ALL, IT'S NOT MY
FAULT.
>> SASHA, BUT WHY?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> YOU ARE A STAR!
>> LEE SPOKE WITH HIM ON THE
PHONE.
HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON
BETWEEN YOU GUYS.
>> SASHA.
>> LOOK, HE DIDN'T KNOW.
IT'S NOT HIS FAULT.
I DIDN'T INVITE HIM.
>> I SHOULD JUST GO. COME --
>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO, OKAY?
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> IT'S NOT -- IT'S NOT GONNA BE
A BIG --
>> IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
>> MIA, IT -- IT'S NOT A BIG
DEAL.
SOONER OR LATER, YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS ANYWAY,
RIGHT?
>> LATER WOULD HAVE BEEN
PREFERABLE, BUT...
>> SOMETIMES YOU DON'T ALWAYS
GET PREFERABLE.
>> [ CHUCKLES ] SOMETIMES YOU
DON'T.
>> I'M SORRY.
AND I WAS GONNA TELL YOU THAT
HE'S ON HIS WAY.
I JUST DIDN'T THINK HE'D GET
HERE THIS QUICKLY, AND I WAS...
TO BE HONEST, I WAS JUST...
BUILDING UP THE NERVE TO TELL
YOU.
IT'S NOT GONNA BE A BIG DEAL.
>> MIA.
LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO GET
OUT OF HERE.
WE CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
>> IT'S FINE. IT'S FINE.
>> GIVE ME THE SIGNAL.
>> I'M A BIG GIRL.
YOU'RE A BIG GUY. [ CHUCKLES ]
>> I DIDN'T SEE THAT.
>> OH, SHIT.
>> WOW. LOOK AT THIS VIEW.
>> [ SIGHS ] ALL RIGHT.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
>> EX-BOYFRIEND.
>> HEY.
>> HEY, MAN. HOW'S IT GOING?
>> HOW'S IT GOING, MAN?
>> GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
>> GOOD. GOOD TO SEE YOU, BUDDY.
>> YEAH, LIKEWISE.
>> BEEN AWHILE.
I BROUGHT SOME TEQUILA...
>> COOL.
>> ...AND, UH, LULU.
>> HI. SASHA.
>> HI. NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> NICE TO MEET YOU, AS WELL.
>> YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
>> THIS IS YOUR PLACE?
>> THIS IS MY PLACE.
>> THANKS, KYLE.
>> I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'D BE HERE.
>> ME NEITHER.
>> HI.
>> WHERE'S LEE? WHERE'S LEE?
>> I'M LULU.
>> MIA.
>> Both: NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.
>> LULU.
>> [ High-pitched ] KIKO.
>> AH, WHAT THE [Muffled] FUCK
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
>> I HAVE NO IDEA.
I'VE NEVER BEEN TO STATEN ISLAND
BEFORE.
>> YOU GUYS KNOW EACH OTHER?
>> YEAH, HOW WEIRD.
>> YEAH, THAT'S SO STRANGE.
>> UM...YOU CAME WITH KYLE?
>> YEAH, YEAH.
WE'RE SEEING EACH OTHER.
BUT WHO DO YOU KNOW HERE?
>> MIA.
SHE'S -- SHE'S INCREDIBLE.
SHE'S AN INCREDIBLE DESIGNER.
>> OH, YOU'RE A DESIGNER.
THAT'S AWESOME.
>> I TRY.
>> I DO SOME MODELING FOR HER.
>> I LOVE FASHION.
[ CHUCKLES ] WE'RE MODELS.
WE SEE EACH OTHER AT CASTINGS
ALL THE TIME.
>> OH, YEAH?
>> SO, UM...
>> PRETTY RANDOM.
[ CHUCKLES ] HOW RANDOM, RIGHT?
>> IS THIS ONE OF YOURS?
>> UM, UH, NO.
THIS IS JUST A VINTAGE DRESS.
>> WELL, IT'S GORGEOUS.
>> OH. THANK YOU.
>> I LOVE YOUR BELT, TOO.
IT'S AWESOME.
>> [ CHUCKLES ] THANKS.
UM, UH, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> YEAH, UM...
>> I -- NEVER MIND.
>> JUST -- [ CHUCKLES ]
>> NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> YEAH, NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.
>> SHE'S TOTALLY HUMBLE.
SHE'S, LIKE, SHE'S INCREDIBLE.
>> SHE'S A KNOCKOUT.
I LOVE HER DRESS.
>> NO. HER DESIGNS ARE --
>> HEY, HEY, HEY.
DO YOU MIND IF I OPEN UP THIS
BOTTLE?
>> TEQUILA? NO.
THERE'S THE GLASSES IN THERE.
>> THANKS, MAN.
>> NO, I KNOW. I KNOW.
ACTUALLY, I THINK --
>> [ CLEARS THROAT ]
HEY. HI.
>> HI, KYLE.
>> YOU LOOK GREAT.
>> THANKS.
>> I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'D BE HERE.
>> [ CHUCKLES ] I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU'D BE HERE, EITHER.
YEAH.
>> [ SIGHS ]
>> I MISS YOU, YOU KNOW?
[ JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS ]
>> THEN WE WENT OVER ON THE
VERRAZANO.
IT WAS REALLY --
>> I KNOW.
ISN'T IT INSANE HERE?
[ Chuckling ] IT'S LIKE THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL PLACE I'VE EVER SEEN.
I DON'T THINK I COULD LIVE HERE.
>> HEY, HOW ABOUT SOME TEQUILA,
MAN?
>> NO, I'M COOL. THANK YOU.
>> REALLY?
>> REALLY.
>> YOU DON'T WANT TO DO A SHOT
WITH ME?
>> I DON'T DRINK TEQUILA, MAN.
>> YOU GOT A GRILL.
>> I GOT A GRILL.
>> IS THIS THING ELECTRIC?
>> IT'S [ Chuckling ] ELECTRIC.
YEAH.
>> IT IS.
YOU'RE GRILLING THESE DAYS, HUH?
>> TRYING.
>> HOW YOU BEEN?
ARE YOU SEEING ANYBODY?
NO?
>> MNH-MNH.
WHY DO YOU ASK?
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, I'D LOVE TO
SEE YOU GET TOGETHER WITH
SOMEBODY, YOU KNOW?
YOU WANT SOME HELP COOKING
BURGERS?
>> UH, I THINK IT'S UNDER
CONTROL.
THANKS.
>> YOU SURE?
I MEAN, I'M GOOD -- I'M GOOD
WITH THE BURGERS AND THE DOGS.
>> I'M SURE YOU ARE.
>> SO IS THAT...
>> IF I -- IF I NEED YOU,
I'LL -- I'LL LET YOU KNOW.
>> ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, MAN.
>> LIKEWISE.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> YOU GUYS WANT A DRINK?
TEQUILA?
>> UM...SURE.
>> WHAT ABOUT YOU, BABE?
>> I AM ON A CLEANSE.
>> YOU ARE ALWAYS ON A CLEANSE.
>> WHY CAN'T YOU LEARN?
GET ME A WATER.
GET ME A -- GET ME A TEA.
>> ALL RIGHT.
I'LL GET YOU SOME WATER.
>> NO CAFFEINE.
>> I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH YOUR
WATER.
>> YOU'RE ON A CLEANSE?
WHAT KIND OF CLEANSE?
>> [ LAUGHS ] YEAH, I'M JUST
FUCKING WITH HIM, THOUGH.
UM, IT'S BASICALLY...
>> SHE'S ON A FUCKING CLEANSE.
>> ...NO EATING.
>> IF IT'S GOOD, YOU CAN'T HAVE
IT.
>> RIGHT.
>> IF IT SMELLS GOOD COMING OUT
OF THE OVEN, YOU CAN'T EAT IT.
>> NO ALCOHOL. NO CIGARETTES.
NO EATING.
>> [ EXHALES ]
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
>> IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?
>> 12 WEEKS.
[ EXHALES ] I GUESS I'M JUST
WEAK-WILLED.
>> WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE?
>> DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
IT'S FINE.
>> IT WAS SO WEIRD.
IT WAS LIKE THIS LITTLE, UM,
PROMOTIONAL THING.
>> OKAY.
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
>> HEY.
HEY.
IT'S GOOD. IT'S FINE.
>> "DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT"?
>> I'M SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN IT.
IT'S JUST NOT -- IT'S THE SAME
OLD CRAP.
I'M SORRY.
>> LIKE, I JUST HAD TO, LIKE,
CHECK OFF, LIKE, RED OR BLACK
AND THEN YOU SEND IT IN AND YOU
GET A LITTLE GIFT.
>> HOW DO THEY DO IT?
>> IT'S VERY CHIC.
YEAH, I GUESS IF YOU WENT WITH
RED, IT MIGHT BE LIKE --
>> I THINK RED AND GOLD IS,
LIKE, TOO --
>> WELCOME TO HELL.
>> SO HARI HAD A THREESOME.
>> AND THAT TOO, RIGHT?
I THINK RED-AND-GOLD IS, LIKE,
SO CHINESE.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
>> YOU KNOW?
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
>> WHAT IS SHE DOING AS THIS IS
HAPPENING?
>> SHE'S, LIKE, PLAYING ATARI.
>> BUT...
>> SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?
>> I DID NOT RECORD THAT PART.
>> I HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING TO
LULU, TALK TO HER, 'CAUSE I
AIN'T GONNA TAKE HER.
>> WHERE ARE YOU GONNA GO?
>> I'M GONNA GO TO -- I DON'T
KNOW -- FUCKIN' BUENOS AIRES,
MAN.
IT'S GONNA BE FUCKING GREAT.
YEAH.
>> WHAT'S IN BUENOS AIRES?
>> GET ON A PLANE.
I DON'T KNOW -- FUCKIN'
DISCOS -- WHATEVER THEY GOT DOWN
THERE.
WHO KNOWS.
>> YOU GONNA WEAR A G-STRING?
>> I'LL WEAR A G-STRING.
>> ARE YOU GONNA GET A TAN?
>> I'LL WEAR A D-STRING.
I'LL WEAR AN E-STRING.
>> YOU GONNA FROST YOUR HAIR?
LIKE WHAT -- WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
HEY, SASHA!
DO YOU, UH, WANT SOME HELP OVER
THERE?
'CAUSE I CAN BEAT LEE AT THIS
BACKGAMMON GAME AND HELP YOU
COOK AT THE SAME TIME.
>> NO, I THINK I'M OKAY. THANKS.
>> YEAH?
>> WHY DON'T YOU FOCUS ON
BEATING LEE FOR NOW?
>> OKAY.
DID YOU TALK TO HIM?
IS HE OKAY?
>> YEAH, I TALKED TO HIM.
I THINK HE'S A LITTLE...
I THINK HE'S A LITTLE BENT OUT
OF SHAPE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED
WITH MIA.
>> YEAH. WELL, WHATEVER.
>> KYLE, IT WAS -- COME ON.
YOU GOT TO ADMIT.
IT'S SORT OF A DICK MOVE.
>> OH, REALLY? A DICK MOVE?
I THINK IT WAS ACTUALLY THE BEST
THING THAT COULD'VE HAPPENED TO
HIM, OKAY?
>> REALLY?
>> YEAH.
I'M NOT STANDING IN ANYBODY'S
WAY.
I MEAN, PERSONALLY, LOOK -- I
THINK THEY MAKE A FUCKING
BEAUTIFUL COUPLE, MAN.
HEY, SASHA!
YOU AND MIA SHOULD DO, LIKE, A
REALITY COOKING SHOW AT THE
GRILL.
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN CALL IT
"SASHA AND MIA BARBECUE."
WAIT A MINUTE.
ISN'T SASHA AND MIA OBAMA'S
KIDS' NAMES?
WAIT A MINUTE.
HOW ABOUT "SASHA AND MIA: S&M IN
THE KITCHEN"?
>> [ Chuckling ] COME ON.
PLAY SOME BACKGAMMON.
THE DICE ARE WAITING FOR YOU.
>> COME ON.
I KNOW SHE'S INTO THAT SHIT,
PERSONALLY.
HE IS A QUIET ONE, THOUGH, ON
THE OTHER HAND.
YOU CAN NEVER QUITE TELL WITH
HIM.
>> WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS, KYLE?
>> HE'S QUIET.
>> WHY?
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
>> JUST CUT IT OUT.
CUT IT OUT.
>> WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> NO, YOU GUYS LOOK GOOD
TOGETHER -- KEEP GRILLING.
>> NOTHING.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
>> COOK IT UP.
>> KYLE.
>> What the fuck has got into
him tonight?
>> DO YOU EVER GET THE FEELING
LIKE PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT
YOU BEFORE YOU WALKED IN THE
FUCKING ROOM?
>> YEAH, THEY GOT A NAME FOR
THAT, AND IT'S IN SEVERAL
DICTIONARIES AND THESAURUSES.
>> YEAH, WELL, YOU...
>> UH...I DON'T REALLY KNOW.
I THINK YOUR BOYFRIEND'S REALLY
DRUNK.
>> PEOPLE THINK THAT I'M AN
ASSHOLE.
>> MAYBE WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING
ABOUT IT?
>> BUT I AM JUST HONEST AND
OBSERVANT AND I DON'T GO BOTH
WAYS.
I DON'T PLAY IT BOTH WAYS.
I PLAY IT STRAIGHT.
>> I'M SORRY.
I CAN HEAR YOU, YOU KNOW?
>> I AM NOT WHISPERING.
>> CLEARLY.
>> WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> JUST FORGET IT.
>> HEY.
>> WHAT?
JUST SETTLE DOWN.
>> COULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME
WHAT'S GOING ON, SINCE, CLEARLY,
EVERYONE HERE KNOWS SOMETHING I
DON'T?
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
YOU'LL FIND THAT HAPPENS A LOT
WITH KYLE.
>> [ Chuckling ] OH, REALLY?
>> WHAT'S SHE TALKING ABOUT?
>> HOW ARE YOU GONNA GET OUT OF
THIS ONE?
>> IT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING
BUSINESS.
HOW AM I -- YOU WANT TO DO IT
LIKE THIS?
>> DO I WANT TO DO IT LIKE THIS?
DID I START THIS WHOLE BUSINESS?
>> I HAVE NO PROBLEM DOING IT
LIKE THIS.
>> WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
>> EVERYBODY JUST CALM DOWN,
PLEASE.
>> OKAY. YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'M SORRY.
THIS IS REALLY UNFAIR TO YOU.
>> OH, HEY!
THE SISTERHOOD.
WHY DON'T YOU GUYS PUNCH FISTS
AND, UH, LIGHT UP THE SKY?
FUCK THAT. LOOKIT.
OKAY, BASICALLY, MIA AND I WENT
OUT A COUPLE TIMES, SPENT SOME
TIMES TOGETHER, AND NOW WE
DON'T.
>> WHY?
>> CALL IT WHAT IT IS.
WHY? I DON'T KNOW.
THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
I WOULD SAY BECAUSE MIA SAID
THAT IT WAS BECAUSE OF ANOTHER
WOMAN.
>> [ CHUCKLES ] OKAY.
>> WHAT? THAT'S NOT IT?
YOU TELL IT, THEN. YOU TELL IT.
TELL YOUR SIDE OF THE STORY.
>> IT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH YOU HAD
TO EMBARRASS ME, YOU WANT TO DO
IT IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE?
FINE.
I CARED, KYLE.
I CARED, BUT YOU DESTROY THINGS.
YOU CAN'T HELP YOURSELF.
IT WASN'T ANOTHER WOMAN.
IT WAS YOU.
AT LEAST BE FUCKING HONEST ABOUT
THAT.
>> OKAY, IF THAT MAKES YOU FEEL
BETTER...
>> ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
ENOUGH. ENOUGH.
>> OH, THE WHITE KNIGHT HAS
ARRIVED!
"I SHALL SAVE THE FAIR MAIDEN."
>> [ CHUCKLES ] OKAY.
>> SEE, KYLE, THIS IS EXACTLY
WHY I DIDN'T INVITE YOU HERE
TODAY, ALL RIGHT?
'CAUSE I KNEW YOU'D FUCKING PULL
SOME SHIT LIKE THIS.
YOU'RE -- YOU'RE A FUCKING
CHILD.
YOU'RE A CHILD.
>> I AM TRYING TO HELP YOU.
I'VE ALWAYS TRIED TO HELP YOU.
>> YOU'RE TRYING TO HELP ME?!
>> YEAH. WAKE UP.
>> WAKE UP?
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED
TO MEAN?
>> OH, YOU DON'T GET IT?
YOU KNOW WHAT, GO BACK TO YOUR
FUCKING GRILL, PLAY YOUR LITTLE
GRILL, "I'M COOKING UP YOUR
BURGERS, BARBECUE."
YOU KNOW, JUST GO BACK TO
PLAYING HOUSE, PLEASE.
>> KYLE. KYLE.
LET'S GO.
>> NO.
WILL YOU JUST STAY OUT OF IT?
IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS,
OKAY?
>> I KNOW IT'S NONE OF MY
BUSINESS, I JUST --
>> JUST HAVE A GOOD TIME.
>> I JUST WANT TO GO.
>> ALL RIGHT, WELL, THEN GO.
THE FUCKING FERRY -- IT'S OVER
THERE.
GO.
>> YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE.
>> LULU...
>> WHY DON'T YOU GO WITH HER,
KYLE?
>> WHAT, YOU -- OH.
OKAY, YOU WANT ME TO GO SO THAT
YOU HAVE A BETTER SHOT WITH MIA?
IS THAT IT?
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
>> NO, KYLE.
THAT'S NOT GENERALLY HOW I VIEW
MY FRIENDS.
>> YOU'VE -- OH, SO WE'RE
FRIENDS?
I'M SORRY, BECAUSE I DIDN'T GET
THE INVITATION.
I DIDN'T REALIZE WE WERE STILL
FRIENDS.
GUESS MY MAILMAN IS...ON SICK
LEAVE.
>> WHEN YOU TWO GOT TOGETHER, ME
AND EVERY FUCKING PERSON ON THIS
BALCONY KNEW IT WOULDN'T LAST
FIVE MINUTES, OKAY?
EVERYBODY HERE KNEW THAT.
I KNEW THAT...
>> I feel like we're the kids in
the back bedroom and our parents
are fighting or something.
[ CHUCKLES ]
>> Shh.
[ Chuckles ]
>> ...I KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT,
OKAY?
I SAID, "HEY, WHO KNOWS?
MAYBE IT'S DIFFERENT.
LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS."
AND SURE ENOUGH, YOU DO IT ALL
TO YOURSELF ANYWAY.
>> YEAH. THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.
YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.
YOU'VE ALWAYS KEPT YOUR MOUTH
SHUT.
UNTIL NOW, WHERE YOU'RE SAYING
ALL THIS SHIT, BUT YOU'RE NOT
SAYING THE REAL THING, MAN.
>> ALL RIGHT.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY
APARTMENT.
IS THAT REAL ENOUGH FOR YOU?
>> [ Chuckling ] FUCK YOU.
>> YOU GUYS ARE ACTING LIKE A
COUPLE OF SIXTH GRADERS.
>> HOLD ON. IT'S OKAY.
IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY, LEE.
I -- IT'S UNDER CONTROL.
>> I WANT YOU TO LEAVE, KYLE.
>> OR WHAT?
>> GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY
APARTMENT.
>> DO SOMETHING.
MAKE ME GO.
HOW ABOUT NOW?
I WON'T GET HURT.
I PROMISE.
COME ON. DUKES UP.
DUKES UP.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> [ Chuckling ] COME ON.
LOOKIT. I'M NOT GONNA GET HURT.
GO AHEAD.
TAKE A SWIPE.
WHO WANTS TO TAKE A SWIPE?
ANYBODY HERE?
>> [ GRUNTS ]
>> [ LAUGHS ]
[ LAUGHTER ]
COME ON. TOUCH IT.
TOUCH IT. FEEL IT.
IT'S SMOOTH.
OH, YEAH.
>> FUCKING IDIOT.
YOU ARE A TOTAL IDIOT.
>> NOW WE GOT A PARTY.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, MAN.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS ME.
THIS IS ME.
LET'S HAVE A GOOD TIME.
COME ON.
I'M SORRY I RUINED THE PARTY.
LET'S HAVE A DRINK.
I JUST LOST WITH LULU.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I MEAN, WHAT THE FUCK?
IT'S A GOOD CURE.
TEQUILA.
ON ME. I APOLOGIZE.
I APOLOGIZE.
I'M THE BAD GUY.
I'M ALWAYS THE BAD GUY.
YOU KNOW THAT ABOUT ME.
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME
FOR BEING AN ASSHOLE.
AND YOU LET ME BE AN ASSHOLE.
I'M SORRY, MAN.
>> [ SIGHS ]
THE THING IS, KYLE, YOU FUCKING
KNEW, OKAY?
YOU KNEW, ALL RIGHT?
OKAY, I DON'T HAVE THE COURAGE
THAT YOU HAVE.
I ADMIT IT, OKAY, AND MAYBE I DO
WISH I CAN DO THINGS THE WAY YOU
DO SOMETIMES.
FINE. OKAY?
BUT YOU WERE MY FRIEND, AND YOU
FUCKING KNEW, OKAY?
EVERYONE HERE, THEY FUCKING MAKE
JOKES, THEY ASSUME CERTAIN
THINGS, THAT'S FINE, OKAY?
YOU DON'T NEED TO ASSUME
ANYTHING, 'CAUSE YOU FUCKING
KNEW.
YOU KNEW EVERYTHING.
YOU KNEW EXACTLY HOW I FELT.
YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE
WALKING IN THE EAST VILLAGE AND
YOU FUCKING ASKED ME, HMM?
DO YOU REMEMBER WE WERE WALKING
IN THE EAST VILLAGE AND YOU
ASKED ME, "ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH
MIA?"
HMM?
IF YOU SAW OBVIOUSLY I DIDN'T
GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING, WHY
DID YOU EVEN ASK ME, HMM?
>> IT WASN'T ME YOU SHOULD HAVE
BEEN TELLING.
>> WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> GEEZ, COME ON, SASHA.
COME ON.
>> [ Singsong voice ] BULLSHIT
DETECTOR.
>> IT DOESN'T MATTER. I MEAN --
>> IT MATTERS TO ME.
JUST TELL ME.
>> JUST -- WILL YOU TELL HER?
>> I TOLD HIM THAT -- I TOLD HIM
THAT I ALWAYS FELT THAT IT TOOK
TWO PEOPLE TO BE IN LOVE...UNTIL
I MET YOU.
AND I TOLD HIM THAT I'D WAIT
FOREVER FOR THE CHANCE TO BE
WITH YOU.
>> [ SIGHS ]
[ GRILL SIZZLING ]
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]
>> NO, NO. YOU DO THE --
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
PICK ME UP WHEN YOU TAKE US
INTO -- [ LAUGHS ]
>> WELL, AT SOME POINT...
>> [ Laughing ] SASHA, NO!
AAH!
OH, MY GOD.
I'M GONNA PEE MY PANTS.
[ LAUGHING ]
OH, SASHA...
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I-I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
>> WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
>> JUST GIVE ME A MOMENT.
>> WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
>> I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
>> YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT
SURPRISES.
>> WHAT? YOU LIKE THEM.
>> WELL, THAT I SOMETIMES LIKE
THEM.
>> YOU LIKE THEM WHEN I'M GONNA
END UP NAKED.
>> I LIKE...[ LAUGHS ]
>> I'M MAKING MY VIRGINAL DEBUT
HERE.
>> ISN'T IT A BIT LATE FOR THAT?
>> SASHA!
THIS IS OUR NIGHT.
WE GOT TO PRETEND JUST A LITTLE
BIT.
>> THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT.
>> ARE YOU READY?
>> I'M FUCKING READY.
>> ARE YOU READY?
>> I'M READY!
>> OKAY.
FIRST, THIS.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> THAT'S JUST A LITTLE TASTE,
HUBBY.
>> THAT'S A LITTLE APPETIZER.
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
>> I JUST NEED ONE MORE MINUTE.
I JUST GOT TO MAKE EVERYTHING
PERFECT.
>> HEY, I GOT A SURPRISE FOR
YOU.
>> WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR ME?
>> JUST A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR
YOU.
>> IT BETTER BE BIG.
>> OH, IT'S BIG, BABY.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> HERE'S MY LITTLE BIG SURPRISE
FOR YOU.
HERE IT COMES.
>> NO, YOU CAN'T COME IN HERE.
SASHA! SASHA!
>> HERE'S MY BIG SURPRISE.
>> [ Laughing ] STOP.
>> HERE IT COMES.
>> YOU CAN'T SEE ME.
I WANT IT TO BE A SURPRISE.
>> I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.
>> NO. YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
>> WHY NOT?
I'M THE FUCKING -- I'M THE
GROOM.
I GET WHAT I WANT TONIGHT.
>> OH, NO, NO, NO.
YOU CAN'T. LISTEN.
I DON'T WANT TO SEE WHAT YOU
GOT, AND YOU CAN'T SEE WHAT I
GOT.
>> HAVEN'T I FOLLOWED ENOUGH
RULES FOR ONE FUCKING DAY?
>> OKAY.
>> I FEEL LIKE ALL I'M DOING IS
FOLLOWING THE RULES.
I FEEL LIKE I'M BENDING OVER FOR
THE MAN OVER HERE.
>> TA-DA!
TA-DA!
FAYE.
>> [ GROANS ]
[ GROANS ]
>> HEY.
>> [ GROANS ]
>> FAYE.
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ SMOOCHES ]
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
>> IT'S ALL LESSONS.
THESE ARE LESSONS.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
IT'S NOT JUST --
>> YOU'RE JUST -- YOU'RE JUST ON
MY CASE ABOUT THIS ALL THE TIME,
AND I FEEL LIKE IT'S JUST NOT
WHAT I'M SAYING AT ALL.
>> IT IS WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
>> YOU ARE ACTING TO ME LIKE I'M
DOWN ON THIS WEDDING, AND YOU
KNOW THAT'S NOT TRUE.
YOU KNOW I THINK THAT SASHA AND
FAYE ARE AN AMAZING COUPLE.
>> BECAUSE THEY ARE.
>> I KNOW YOU THINK THAT.
>> BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE ACTING
LIKE I'M KIND OF INSULTING THEM
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE IN
THIS SITUATION RIGHT NOW.
>> WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS YOU'RE
MAKING THIS ABOUT HOW YOU DON'T
WANT TO BE HAPPY.
ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT'S LIKE...
>> OH, THAT IS SUCH A CROCK!
>> ...YOU'RE WATCHING HAPPINESS,
AND YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, WELL,
THAT'S NOT..."
>> I'M JUST BEING PRAGMATIC.
>> WE'RE TRYING TO HELP YOU.
>> WHAT DID YOU SAY? PRAGMATIC?
>> AH! YOU AND FAYE.
>> YEAH. [ CHUCKLES ]
>> YOU REALIZE THAT SHE IS BEING
IMPREGNATED RIGHT NOW.
>> YEAH, I KNOW.
SHE'S GONNA BE POPPING OUT
BABIES ANY SECOND.
>> YEAH?
ARE YOU READY TO BE AN AUNT?
>> [ Laughing ] GOD, NO.
THAT SOUNDS SO OLD -- BEING AN
AUNT.
[ CHUCKLES ]
I MEAN, NO OFFENSE TO YOU.
>> WELL, I'M NOT AN AUNT.
>> [ COUGHS ]
[ LAUGHS ]
[ Laughing ] YOU'RE NOT -- I
KNOW.
>> BUT YOU ARE CUTE.
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
>> [ Scottish accent ] AND I
THINK IT'S JUST GENITAL
MUTILATION NO MATTER HOW YOU
LOOK AT IT.
>> HOW DID YOU GET HIM ON HIS
FAVORITE SUBJECT?
>> I HAVE HEARD IT SAID THAT IT
IS, UH, CLEANER.
>> [ SCOFFS ] OH, SHUT UP.
THAT WHOLE CLEANLINESS THING --
THAT'S LIKE SAYING -- THAT'S
LIKE SAYING, UM, OH, YOU
SHOULDN'T -- YOU SHOULD CUT YOUR
EAR OFF IN CASE YOU GET EAR WAX.
THAT'S JUST SUCH A LOAD OF
RUBBISH.
IT'S GENITAL MUTILATION.
>> THIS IS ONE OF HIS PET
THEORIES.
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU MANAGED IN
THE TWO MINUTES THAT I WAS GONE
TO FIND A WAY TO TALK ABOUT IT.
>> WHAT I REALLY HATE IS WHEN
AMERICAN PEOPLE GO,
[American accent] "I'M HAVING MY
SON CIRCUMCISED BECAUSE I WANT
HIM TO LOOK LIKE ME."
[ Normal voice ] IS THAT A THING
YOU DO IN AMERICA -- OH, WATCH
IT.
AT THANKSGIVING, YOU GO HOME AND
YOU, UH -- YOU AND YOUR DAD GET
YOUR COCKS OUT AND COMPARE THEM?
IS THAT WHAT YOU DO?
>> AND YOU DON'T DO THAT IN
SCOTLAND?
I MEAN, COME ON.
YOU GOT TO HANG IT OUT THERE AND
LET THEM KNOW.
>> YOU GET YOUR COCK OUT IN
SCOTLAND, IT FALLS OFF BECAUSE
OF THE COLD.
>> COME ON.
>> I JUST THINK, YOU KNOW, MY
PENIS IS MY --
>> IS SHE ASLEEP?
>> YEAH, SHE'S FAST ASLEEP.
>> WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
>> YOU WERE RIGHT.
YOU WERE RIGHT.
>> OF COURSE I WAS RIGHT.
THANK YOU.
>> COULDN'T BOTHER TO GO AND PUT
HER TO BED YOURSELF.
>> HE JUST LOVES CLACKING THOSE
BALLS.
>> I'M TRYING TO WIN A GAME
HERE, SWEETHEART.
>> HERE'S ONE. HERE'S ONE.
WE'VE GOT AN EXPERT.
>> THIS IS GONNA HELP US.
>> THESE TWO ARE GIVING ME A
HARD TIME, RIGHT?
THEY -- THEY TALK ABOUT GETTING
MARRIED, AND IN THEIR MINDS,
IT'S LIKE BEING RAPTURED.
IT'S LIKE YOU JUST GET TO LEAVE
YOUR SINGLE BODY AND HEAD UP
INTO THE HEAVENS.
>> CAN YOU HELP ME, PLEASE?
>> HELP YOU?
>> YES. SAVE ME.
>> I WASN'T AWARE THAT YOU
NEEDED HELP.
>> I DO. SHE'S LIKE 14.
SHE'S BEEN HANGING ON ME ALL
NIGHT.
>> WHEN YOU SAY "HAPPY PLACE," I
THINK ABOUT BEING A MENTAL
PATIENT, BUT...
[ CHUCKLES ]
>> I HAVE NO PROBLEM FINDING
PENISES TO FIT INSIDE MY HOLE.
I NEED SOMEONE TO SHARE TIME
WITH ME.
>> SHE'S A SAMPLE SIZE.
[ LAUGHS ]
>> HEY.
>> WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?
>> THERE'S JUST A POOL GAME.
>> HEY, TEX, COME HERE FOR A
SECOND, HONEY.
>> I'M MISSING THE CONVERSATION
HERE.
WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?
>> I'M DROWNING IN A CLOUD OF
ESTROGEN HERE, BROTHER.
>> HE ALWAYS WINS.
>> WHAT DO YOU GOT?
>> THEY WANT TO KNOW WHY ANYONE
WOULD WANT TO GET MARRIED, OR
WHAT MARRIAGE IS REALLY LIKE.
>> HERE'S YOUR BOTTOM LINE.
THREE WORDS, OKAY?
>> MARRIAGE -- BACK-DOOR
PRIVILEGES.
THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.
>> Both: OH!
>> BABY, DON'T PRETEND.
>> WAIT...
>> BONDAGE IS ANOTHER REASON.
TRUST IS A CORNERSTONE OF
MARRIAGE.
SHE WOULD NOT LET ME FULLY TIE
HER UP UNTIL WE WERE MARRIED.
AND BELIEVE ME, WAS IT THE BEST
THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
>> LISTEN, 'CAUSE YOU DON'T
UNDERSTAND WHAT I WAS TRYING TO
SAY.
IT'S NOT ABOUT --
WHOO!
[ CHEERING ]
CHAMPAGNE.
>> THANK YOU TO WHOEVER BROUGHT
THIS MAN.
THAT IS SOLID.
>> LISTEN, I WAS TRYING TO SAY
THIS REALLY QUICK, 'CAUSE I
THINK IT'S A MISCONCEPTION.
IT'S NOT ABOUT TRYING TO CHANGE
THE PERSON YOU'RE WITH, IT'S
ABOUT THE CHANGE THAT HAPPENS
INSIDE OF YOU, ON THE INSIDE...
>> IS THAT WHITNEY HOUSTON
TALKING, OR IS THAT --
>> LISTEN, I'M NOT
WHITNEY HOUSTON.
>> IT'S ROSES AND SUNSHINE AND
CHAMPAGNE...
>> SHH. SHUT IT DOWN.
LISTEN.
IT'S ABOUT CHANGE LIKE A RITE OF
PASSAGE, LIKE YOU GO, YOU DIE,
YOU HAVE DEATH AND YOU HAVE
MARRIAGE AND YOU HAVE BABIES.
>> IT'S ABOUT WHAT YOU DO
INSIDE THE PERSON YOU LOVE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> LISTEN, YOU CAN GET INSIDE.
>> CAN I JUST SAY THAT I REALLY
THINK YOU'RE ALL GETTING IT
WRONG?
YOU'VE ALL JUST MISSED THE
POINT.
>> HERE WE GO.
DR. BROTHERS IS HERE.
>> THAT -- THAT A MARRIAGE IS A
REALLY GREAT EXCUSE FOR EVERYONE
TO COME TOGETHER AND DRESS UP
AND HAVE FUN AND DANCE, AND YOU
LOOK GORGEOUS AND YOU FEEL
HORNY, I MEAN -- HELLO.
TOGETHER, WE ARE BEAUTIFUL, AND
ALSO IT'S A REALLY PROFOUND
THING THAT YOU COME TOGETHER IN
FRONT OF ALL THE PEOPLE THAT YOU
CARE ABOUT IN YOUR LIFE AND YOU
SAY IN FRONT OF THEM THAT YOU
HAVE FOUND THIS PERSON THAT IS
GONNA BE THE ONE YOU'RE GONNA BE
WITH FOREVER, AND YOU TELL
EVERYONE.
THAT'S A BIG, BIG DEAL.
>> YES.
>> I DO KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT, 'CAUSE I'VE DONE IT
TWICE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> AND THAT'S THE REASON...
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS,
LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU CAN'T AGREE.
YOU JUST TOLD ME THAT YOU WOULD
NEVER -- SHE JUST SAID SHE
WOULD NEVER GET MARRIED EVER.
>> WELL, YOU KNOW -- CHEERS.
HE HAS A CONVINCING POINT.
>> ANYONE WHO SAYS THEY DON'T
WANT TO GET MARRIED IS A LIAR,
LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE.
>> WELL, I DON'T WANT TO GET
MARRIED.
>> SHUT UP.
>> YOU DON'T WANT TO GET
MARRIED?!
>> NO. NOT ENOUGH.
>> THINK OF THE ACCESSORIES.
>> WHAT'S HAPPENING?
>> THE SHOES!
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
O-M-F-G. O-M-F-G.
O-M-F-G.
ALL RIGHT, I KNOW THIS.
I KNOW THIS.
A CONSERVATIVE ESTIMATE -- I'VE
RESEARCHED THIS.
A CONSERVATIVE ESTIMATE -- ONE
IN FOUR PEOPLE INTERFERE
INAPPROPRIATELY WITH THEIR PETS,
ESPECIALLY DOGS.
>> NO, WAIT, WAIT.
>> MY BEST FRIEND SHELLEY -- MY
BEST FRIEND SHELLEY LOST HER
VIRGINITY TO A DOG.
SHE DID.
MY BEST FRIEND SHELLEY...SHE
LOST HER VIRGINITY TO A DOG.
>> I DON'T EVEN HAVE A DOG.
>> YOU DON'T HAVE A DOG?
>> IF YOU EVER GET ONE -- IF YOU
EVER GET ONE, YOU PUT PEANUT
BUTTER...
>> HEY.
UH, JUST WANT TO SAY GOOD NIGHT.
UM, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT,
AND I'M DONE-DONE.
THIS ISN'T MY SCENE.
>> WHY?
WE CAN TALK ABOUT SOMETHING
ELSE.
>> I'M GONNA GO UPSTAIRS.
I NEED SOME REST.
I JUST NEED A BREAK, YOU KNOW?
SEE YOU.
>> I WILL NEVER EAT A PEANUT
BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH AGAIN.
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT.
>> LISTEN, JUST SPLURGE AND GET
ALMOND BUTTER.
JUST SPLURGE.
>> OH, LOOK AT HER WITH HER
LUXURIOUS PET FUCKING.
ALL HER FRIENDS ONLY LOST THEIR
HUMAN VIRGINITY AT 25.
>> Both: HUMAN VIRGINITY!
>> NOW, THERE'S...
>> GET YOUR FUCKING BUTT NEXT TO
ME.
>> [ Laughing ] WAIT!
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING UP?
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP?
>> UM, I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN AT
YOUR PARTY AND SUPER, SUPER
DRUNK, BUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING
UP?
>> I CAME TO GET SOME WATER.
I WANT -- I WANT --
>> I NEED SOME...
WELL, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I
NEED, TOO.
>> LET'S GET SOME WATER.
WATER PARTY.
>> EMERGENCY WATER.
EMERGENCY WATER.
HELP ME. HELP ME. HELP ME.
>> THERE YOU GO.
YOU ARE SAVED.
>> THANK YOU.
>> WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> UM, I'M HAVING SO MUCH
FUCKING FUN.
>> I'M SO GLAD YOU GUYS ARE
STILL UP.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
LET'S -- LET'S BRING IT IN.
>> BRING IT IN.
>> HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET THIS
HOUSE?
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
I ACTUALLY DON'T THINK THE
OWNERS KNOW WE'RE HERE.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> IT'S A WEDDING SWAP.
>> AND LOOK WHAT I FOUND!
[ CHEERING ]
REBOOT, REBOOT, REBOOT.
>> WHERE IS YOUR WIFE?
>> WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING
HERE?
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING
HERE?
>> FAYE PASSED OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KNOCK HER
UP, NOT KNOCK HER OUT.
>> I THINK THE WHISKEY BEAT ME
TO IT.
NO.
WE NEVER GOT AS FAR AS THE
UNDERWEAR.
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> YOU KNOW ABOUT THE UNDERWEAR?
OH, I SIMPLY MUST.
I SIMPLY MUST.
I CAN'T RESIST.
MY MOM GAVE ME THIS UNDERWEAR.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WELL, HE ASKED ME A QUESTION.
>> WAIT, CAN WE NOT SEE WHY SHE
MIGHT HAVE PASSED OUT?
>> HE ASKED THE QUESTION.
>> IT GOES, "NO" AND THEN "YES."
>> OH, I SEE.
>> BUT SHE GOT IT SO LONG AGO
THAT IT DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE.
>> YOUR MOM GAVE YOU THOSE?
>> SASHA, YOU NEED TO TELL THEM
THE POLAR-BEAR JOKE.
>> THE -- YOU TELL HER THE
POLAR-BEAR JOKE.
>> I CANNOT TELL HER THE
POLAR-BEAR JOKE.
>> WHY NOT?
>> IT WAS A DISASTER, 'CAUSE I
CAN'T DO A RUSSIAN ACCENT.
>> I DO -- I DO TELL IT WELL.
I DO TELL IT WELL.
I GOT A DEAL. I GOT A DEAL.
WITH MY PANTS DOWN, I HAVE A
DEAL.
NO, THIS IS THE DEAL.
HEY!
IT'S -- NO.
I'LL TELL YOU THE POLAR-BEAR
JOKE IF YOU SING US A SONG.
>> OH, YES!
>> THAT'S FAIR.
>> THAT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF
SOLID.
>> THAT'S VERY SWEET, BUT I
REALLY DON'T FEEL UP TO IT.
IT'S LATE, AND MY VOICE IS GONE,
AND I'M NOT FEELING -- I DON'T
FEEL COMFORTABLE.
>> I WANT YOU TO SING.
I WANT YOU TO SING TO ME.
>> LISTEN, HEY. HEY!
I'M THE GROOM.
IT'S MY FUCKING NIGHT.
I GET WHAT I WANT, AND I WANT A
SONG.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> SASHA, I LOVE YOU, BUT THE
KIDS ARE SLEEPING.
I MIGHT WAKE THEM UP.
I JUST FEEL LIKE --
>> YOU COULDN'T WAKE UP THE KIDS
WITH DAISY CUTTERS.
>> HEY, LISTEN.
I WANT YOU TO SING, LENA.
LENA.
I WANT YOU TO SING, AND I'M
GOING TO --
>> IT WILL WORK.
DON'T CHALLENGE HAYDEN.
>> THIS IS A CHALLENGE.
IS THIS A CHALLENGE?
AND JUST BACK OFF, BRIDE BOY.
>> I'M JUST SAYING IT'S FUTILE,
BASED ON 20 MINUTES -- ALL
RIGHT.
GO TO WORK. GO TO WORK.
>> OH, MY LORD.
IT'S THE FLOWER OF SCOTLAND.
[ LAUGHTER ]
LENA, I AM A MAN.
>> YOU ARE.
>> AND I WANT YOU TO SING FOR
ME.
>> THE CHOCOLATE VOICE.
ANY MINUTE, SHE'S GONNA GO ALL
MARSHY DOWNSTAIRS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> WHAT ARE YOU GONNA SAY TO
THAT?
>> YOU ARE TERRIBLE.
I-I-I'M GONNA SAY THANK YOU.
>> YES.
>> AND I-I APPRECIATE THE ENERGY
THAT YOU'RE PUTTING INTO THIS,
BUT I FEEL LIKE IT'S NOT WHAT I
SHOULD DO TONIGHT.
>> WHAT ABOUT THAT, UH, THAT GUY
YOU WERE WITH, UM...CHRIS?
[ CHUCKLES ]
>> YOU KNOW HIS --
>> I DO KNOW HIS NAME.
I KNOW HIS NAME HIS NICK.
I KNEW.
>> NICK WAS VERY NICE, VERY
LOVELY.
>> WHAT ABOUT, UM...HAYDEN OVER
THERE?
>> HAYDEN'S, UM...BEEN VERY
HELPFUL.
>> HELPFUL?
>> VERY GENEROUS.
HE KNOWS A LOT OF PEOPLE.
>> HELPFUL.
INTERESTING WAY TO PUT IT.
OKAY.
IS THAT HOW YOU, UH, CLIMBED TO
THE TOP SO FAST?
>> BY AVOIDING YOUR QUESTIONS?
[ Laughing ] POSSIBLY.
>> WHERE'S KYLE?
>> KYLE WENT TO BED.
>> NO, HE DIDN'T GO TO --
>> HE DID. I DON'T KNOW.
THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.
>> LET'S GO WAKE HIM UP.
>> IT'S REALLY LATE.
>> IT'S LATE?
>> IT'S LATE.
>> SHE'S UP.
HE'S UP.
THESE TWO ARE UP.
IT'S NOT TOO LATE -- IT'S NOT
TOO LATE FOR YOU GUYS.
>> ONLY BECAUSE IT'S YOUR
WEDDING NIGHT, AND THAT YOUR
WIFE PASSED OUT ON YOU, AND THIS
IS YOUR ONLY CHANCE.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> I WILL DO WHAT YOU SAY.
>> I'M ENTITLED TO SOMETHING.
WHEN YOUR WIFE SLIPS INTO A
COMA, YOU'RE ENTITLED TO
SOMETHING.
>> YOUR BEST FRIENDS GET TO HOLD
YOUR HAND WHILE YOU WALK UP THE
STAIRS.
>> AT THE VERY LEAST, RIGHT?
I MEAN, FUCKING-A, I MUST GET
SOME INCENTIVE.
>> JUST DON'T TRY AND TAKE
ADVANTAGE TOMORROW.
>> THERE'S A SEVERANCE PACKAGE,
RIGHT?
WAIT. IS IT THIS --
>> IS THAT WHAT I AM?
FUCK THAT.
>> IS IT THIS ONE?
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
I FEEL LIKE I'M IN HIGH SCHOOL.
>> Shh.
Keep it cool.
[ KNOCKS ON DOOR ]
>> [ As Aurora ] KYLE.
KYLE, IT'S AURORA.
COULD -- DO YOU WANT TO GO FOR A
WALK ON THE BEACH?
IT'S REALLY PRETTY OUT.
THE LIGHT'S REALLY BLUE.
>> HEY!
>> THAT'S REALLY FUNNY.
COME ON, MAN.
>> YOU FELL FOR IT.
>> YEAH, I FELL -- WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
WHY AREN'T YOU IN BED WITH YOUR
WIFE?
>> WHY AM I --
>> HE TRIED TO GIVE HER ONE, BUT
THAT TRAIN IS GONE.
>> SHE'S IN A COMA.
>> OH, SHE'S IN A COMA?
>> YEAH.
>> WHY IS THAT?
>> WHY -- WHY IS THAT?
LET'S TALK -- NO, LET'S TALK
ABOUT THAT.
YEAH, WHO POURED HER THOSE 50
PSYCHOTIC FUCKING SHOTS TONIGHT?
>> I WAS JUST DOING THE POLITE
THING.
>> OH, THE POLITE THING.
>> KYLE IS ALWAYS POLITE.
HAVEN'T WE LEARNED THAT?
>> THE POLITE THING IS TO RUIN
MY FUCKING WEDDING NIGHT?
THAT'S THE POLITE THING?
>> OKAY, SO, YOU'RE NOT GETTING
ACTION TONIGHT, SO YOU WANT TO
COME SEE ME.
IS THAT IT, HUH?
YOU WANT TO SEE ME?
YOU WANT SOME ACTION.
>> I'M GETTING SCARED.
>> YOU WANT SOME ACTION?
I LOVE MY WIFE.
>> OH, GOD.
NOW I'M SCARRED.
>> I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.
NO, NO, NO.
IT'S A LITTLE MORE GENTLE.
REMEMBER THIS?
>> THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT.
LITTLE BIT OF --
[ GRUNTS ]
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> YEAH.
NICE AND SLOW. YEAH.
[ MUFFLED MUSIC ]
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
MM. YEAH.
>> IS THAT HAYDEN SINGING?
WAIT, SHH.
THAT'S HAYDEN.
>> [ INDISTINCT SINGING ]
>> COME ON. LET'S GO.
>> DON'T -- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
>> COME ON.
COME WITH ME.
>> OH, GREAT.
[ CHUCKLES ]
NOW WE GOT TO GO LISTEN TO THIS
FUCKING GUY SING.
OH, FUCK.
>> ARE YOU JEALOUS OF HAYDEN?
>> YEAH, MR. SLICKSTER? NO.
>> HEY, NO, NO.
I THINK MR. SLICKSTER'S BANGING
MIA.
>> OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I DIDN'T NEED...TO HAVE THAT
IMAGE IN MY HEAD.
THANK YOU.
>> YOU SHOULD GO DOWN AND TALK
TO HER.
>> OH, I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK I BLEW IT.
>> BULLSHIT.
>> COME ON. SHE'S NOT WITH HIM.
WHY IS SHE WITH THAT GUY?
>> BULLSHIT.
HAYDEN?
>> YEAH.
>> HE'S GOT A LITTLE...
>> YEAH, HE HAS A LITTLE.
>> LET'S GO DOWN AND FIND OUT.
COME ON.
YOU GONNA HANG OUT FOR A WHILE?
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH?
>> YEAH, I'M THERE.
COME ON.
>> LISTEN TO THIS.
[ CHUCKLES ]
>> WHO THE FUCK BROUGHT A
FUCKING UKULELE?
>> THERE'S BACK-UP SINGERS.
>> * HE WENT UPSTAIRS TO FUCK
HER, BUT HE ONLY GOT A KISS *
* 'CAUSE SASHA GOT MARRIED
TODAY *
* KYLE HAS COME BACK WITH THE
GROOM *
* THEY REALLY WANT LENA TO SING
SOON *
* THEY STAYED UP LATE, THEY
STAYED UP NEARLY ALL NIGHT *
* THEY'RE WILLING TO BEG,
THEY'RE WILLING TO FIGHT *
* SO, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, WILL YOU
PLEASE SING A SONG SOON? *
* SI-I-NG
* SI-I-I-NG
* SI-I-I-NG!
[ CHEERING ]
OKAY, YOU'RE UP, LADY.
A DEAL'S A DEAL.
>> YOU DID A GOOD JOB.
>> READY?
>> THIS IS REALLY FOR YOU,
SASHA.
>> THIS IS FOR ME?
>> YES. IT'S FOR YOU, THE GROOM.
>> BLESS YOU, YOUNG AURORA.
>> IS THAT ALL IT TAKES?
>> WELL, THIS BETTER BE GOOD.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> NO PRESSURE, SWEETIE.
>> * THE EVENING BREEZE CARESS
THE TREES TENDERLY *
* THE TREMBLING TREES EMBRACE
THE BREEZE TENDERLY *
* THEN YOU AND I CAME WANDERING
BY *
* AND LOST IN OUR SIGH WERE WE
* THE SHORE WAS KISSED BY SEA
AND MIST TENDERLY *
* I CAN'T FORGET HOW TWO HEARTS
MET BREATHLESSLY *
* YOUR ARMS OPENED WIDE, AND
CLOSED ME INSIDE *
* YOU TOOK MY LIPS, YOU TOOK MY
LOVE SO TENDERLY *
[ CHEERING ]
>> DON'T BE FEARED.
>> COME HERE.
MON DIEU.
THAT WAS AMAZING.
ARE YOU LIKE A PROPER SINGER?
THAT REALLY WAS STUNNING.
>> THAT WAS REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
>> HAVE YOU EVER DONE ANY, LIKE,
RECORDING OR ANYTHING?
>> NO. OF COURSE NOT.
>> I KNOW THIS GUY IN TRIBECA,
YOU KNOW?
HE WOULD TOTALLY LOVE TO DO A
DEMO WITH YOU.
SERIOUSLY.
I MEAN, I'M NOT JUST, LIKE,
SPINNING YOU A LINE.
>> I THINK YOU'RE JUST SAYING
THAT.
>> NO, I'M NOT.
I MEAN, I COULD, BUT, NO, HE'S
REALLY, HE'S LIKE A FRIEND, AND
HE LOVES NEW VOICES.
YOU'VE GOT A BEAUTIFUL VOICE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> OF COURSE, I'D HAVE TO HAVE
FIRST-ROW SEATS TO ALL YOUR
CONCERTS.
>> GIVE HIM A LITTLE BIT OF THAT
CUTLET.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> GIVE ME A LITTLE CUTLET.
>> DO YOU REALLY WANT A CUTLET?
>> NO.
WHAT I REALLY WANT -- NOT A
CUTLET.
I WANT TO PENETRATE MY WIFE.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> CAN I HAVE THAT?
>> I CAN'T HELP YOU WITH THAT.
>> YOU CAN'T HELP ME WITH THAT?
>> NO.
>> YOU COULD HAVE KYLE PENETRATE
YOU.
[ Chuckling ] HE SEEMED TO BE
QUITE EAGER UPSTAIRS.
>> COME ON.
LET ME MAKE SOMETHING.
LET'S SEE.
WE'VE GOT LEFTOVER CHICKEN,
POTATOES -- HOW ABOUT EGGS?
EGGS.
LET'S MAKE AN OMELETTE.
>> LET'S MAKE SOMETHING.
>> I WANT TO MAKE AN OMELETTE.
>> I'LL HAVE A BITE.
>> YEAH, YOU SURE?
>> YOU'LL HAVE A BITE OF AN
OMELETTE?
>> [ GROANS ]
>> SASHA.
>> WE WERE TALKING ABOUT YOU.
I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU, BABY.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
>> OH, I'M SO SORRY.
>> SHE'S AWAKE.
>> I FELL ASLEEP.
>> HEY, NO APOLOGIES IN
MARRIAGE.
NO APOLOGIES.
>> YOU'RE MY HUSBAND.
>> I KNOW.
>> AND I FELL ASLEEP ON THE MOST
IMPORTANT NIGHT.
>> NO, BUT YOU'RE UP NOW.
>> I'M UP NOW.
>> YOU'RE UP NOW.
>> I JUST HAD A DISCO NAP.
THAT'S ALL.
>> A LITTLE DISCO NAP.
DON'T JUDGE.
STOP JUDGING.
>> BECAUSE OF YOU.
>> THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
>> HE'S -- HE'S THE DEVIL.
>> YOU ARE THE DEVIL.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
>> IT'S MY FAULT.
IT'S MY FAULT.
>> I DON'T DRINK WHISKEY.
I'M CLEARLY A WINE-SPRITZER KIND
OF GIRL.
>> YOU KNOW SHE'S A SPRITZER
GIRL.
>> I COULDN'T READ THE LABEL ON
THE BOTTLES.
I GOT THEM MIXED UP.
>> I DIDN'T EAT ANYTHING TODAY.
I DIDN'T EAT ANY-- I WAS SO
NERVOUS, I DIDN'T EAT ANYTHING.
SASHA, I NEED TO EAT.
>> YOU WANT A LITTLE SANDWICH?
>> I WANT YOU TO MAKE ME --
>> DO YOU WANT AN OMELETTE?
HE'S MAKING AN OMELETTE.
>> NO.
I DON'T WANT ANYTHING YOU MAKE,
BECAUSE I DON'T -- I DON'T TRUST
ANYTHING --
>> THAT'S YOUR LOSS.
>> YOU DON'T WANT A ROOFIE
OMELETTE?
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> NO.
>> HE MAKES A GOOD ROOFIE
OMELETTE.
>> I WANT MY HUSBAND TO MAKE ME
SOMETHING.
>> YOU WANT A SANDWICH?
>> YEAH.
WILL YOU MAKE IT FOR ME?
>> WELL, I'LL GET ONE FOR YOU.
>> SHH!
>> OH, MY GOD. I LOVE YOU.
>> I HEAR MY SISTER.
DO YOU HEAR AURORA?
>> SHE'S WITH HAYDEN.
>> SHE'S TALKING TO YOUR
BOYFRIEND?
YOU HAVE TO WATCH OUT FOR HER,
'CAUSE SHE'S A LITTLE SLUT.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
NO, SHE'S NOT.
>> SHE IS. SHE IS.
I KNOW HER.
I'M HER SISTER.
I'M GONNA GO -- I'M GONNA GO
SAVE --
HUSBAND OF MINE, MAKE ME A
SANDWICH.
I'M GONNA SAVE HAYDEN.
>> SHE'S EXPLORING.
IT DOESN'T MAKE HER A SLUT.
>> I LIKE YOU AS A HUSBAND.
>> I LIKE -- HEY.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I LIKE BEING A HUSBAND.
>> YOU GOT YOURSELF A GOOD --
>> IT FUCKING SUITS ME, RIGHT?
RIGHT, THIS IS -- THIS IS --
RIGHT?
>> YEAH, IT'S RIGHT.
I FIT -- I FAV-- NO, SERIOUSLY.
SHE LIKES YOU.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?
SHE LIKES YOU.
>> I SERIOUSLY LIKE HER, TOO.
>> I THINK SHE GENUINELY LIKES
YOU GUYS.
>> WELL, WE LIKE HER.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> OKAY, LOOK, IT'S A SLOPPY
SANDWICH.
I'M TRYING.
THIS IS MY FIRST GO AS PROVIDER.
NO, BUT THAT'S THE THING.
SHE DOES LIKE YOU GUYS, AND
THAT'S IMPORTANT TO ME,
ACTUALLY.
>> LOOK AT THIS GUY.
>> WHAT?
>> NO, GO AHEAD. GO AHEAD.
YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY, SAY
IT.
>> I DO, HEY. YOU KNOW WHAT?
>> GO AHEAD. SAY IT.
>> [ Laughing ] ARE YOU GOOD?
>> LOOK, WHEN YOU GUYS -- HERE.
YOU KNOW WHAT, THE THING THAT ME
AND FAYE ARE FEELING RIGHT
NOW -- LISTEN TO ME, KYLE.
>> I'M LISTENING.
>> COULD YOU TURN TO ME?
COULD YOU GIVE ME A LITTLE EYE
CONTACT?
>> OKAY.
>> 'CAUSE I-I DO WANT TO SAY IT.
THE THING THAT ME AND FAYE ARE
EXPERIENCING RIGHT NOW IS
INTENSE, BUT IT'S NOT THAT HARD.
NO, SERIOUSLY.
I MEAN THAT.
LIKE, IT'S NOT THAT DIFFICULT.
I THINK WE OVERCOMPLICATE IT.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN BY THAT?
LIKE, WHEN YOU GUYS -- HERE,
LISTEN TO ME.
ONE OF YOU FUCKING TWO FUCKERS
LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND.
>> WE'RE LISTENING.
WE'RE LISTENING.
>> NO.
COULD YOU PUT DOWN THAT
FUCKING -- THAT OMELETTE?
WE KNOW WHERE THAT'S GONNA BE.
IT'S GONNA BE RIGHT THERE.
IT'S NOT GONNA -- WHEN YOU GUYS
STARTED GOING OUT, OKAY, LIKE,
FINE.
I FEEL LIKE I STEPPED INTO, SORT
OF, THE VICTIM ROLE.
I DID. I FELT LIKE THAT.
I DID.
AND I FELT LIKE -- I FELT LIKE
THAT -- IF YOU TOUCH THAT -- I
FELT LIKE THAT OWED ME
SOMETHING.
I DID.
AND JUST, LIKE, I DON'T FEEL
THAT WAY ANYMORE, OKAY?
LIKE IT DOESN'T OWE ME ANYTHING,
THAT EMOTION, THAT FEELING, THAT
SITUATION, THAT EXPERIENCE
DOESN'T OWE ME ANYTHING.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN BY THAT?
LIKE, IT DOESN'T OWE ME --
>> I DO --
>> IF YOU FUCKING LOOK AT THAT
OMELETTE ONE MORE --
>> I'M MAKING A FUCKING
OMELETTE.
>> NO. I DON'T CARE.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT
OMELETTE.
I DON'T CARE, OKAY?
THAT SITUATION, THAT
EXPERIENCE -- IT DOESN'T OWE ME
ANYTHING, OKAY?
THIS IS, LIKE -- THIS IS -- I'M
TRYING TO BE -- YOU KNOW, I'M
TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING HERE.
I SEE YOU GUYS WALKING AROUND
THE WRONG PEOPLE -- NO,
SERIOUSLY, AND IT BREAKS --
>> HEY, I LOVE YOU.
>> NO, SHH.
IT BREAKS MY HEART.
>> I LOVE YOU.
>> IT BREAKS MY HEART TO SEE
THAT, AND I FEEL A BURDEN.
I FEEL A BURDEN OF
RESPONSIBILITY FOR THAT.
I DO.
OKAY.
HEY, FUCK, I JUST WANTED TO SAY
THAT.
>> I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.
>> ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
>> I LOVE YOU.
>> MAYBE I'LL REGRET THAT, BUT I
WANT THAT TO BE ON THE LEDGER.
THAT'S ON THE LEDGER.
I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT.
>> THANK YOU FOR THAT.
>> ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.
ENJOY YOUR SANDWICHES.
>> GO PENETRATE YOUR WIFE.
>> ENJOY YOUR WHATEVER.
>> WELL, THE SANDWICH IS OUT.
COLD CHICKEN CUTLET?
>> HE BROUGHT ME A SANDWICH!
>> SO EASY TO PLEASE MY LADY.
SO EASY.
YOU GOT TO OPEN A DOOR AND GRAB
A PIECE OF MEAT.
>> THE WHOLE THING ABOUT, UM,
YOU KNOW, GRAVITY -- SOMEONE
WOULD HAVE SORTED OUT THE
WHOLE -- THAT'S THE APPLE GOING
ON THE HEAD.
SOMEONE ELSE WOULD HAVE SORTED
THAT OUT, BUT -- BUT WITH
"ULYSSES," FOR EXAMPLE,
JAMES JOYCE -- IF HE HADN'T
WRITTEN THAT, I DON'T THINK
ANYONE ELSE WOULD HAVE.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, MAYBE.
I HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING ABOUT
SCIENCE, LIKE SCIENTIFIC
DISCOVERY.
>> I MEAN, THESE SCIENTIFIC
THINGS COULD HAVE HAPPENED, BUT
THE SPECIFIC ARTISTIC THINGS
WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED
WITHOUT THOSE PEOPLE.
>> LET'S SMOKE A CIGARETTE.
>> YOU KNOW...MY SHRINK'S GONNA
HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS.
>> YOUR SHRINK?
>> MY SHRINK.
>> I DIDN'T KNOW YOU SAW A
SHRINK.
>> YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW
EVERYTHING ABOUT ME?
>> WELL, DO YOU THINK YOU KNOW
EVERYTHING ABOUT ME?
I'M SEEING A SHRINK.
>> [ Laughing ] OH, YOU ARE NOT.
>> I AM.
HIS NAME IS
DR. JOHANSSON YOHANSSON.
>> [ LAUGHS ]
>> IT'S TRUE.
>> OH, IT'S COLD.
>> LET ME GET YOU A JACKET.
LET ME GET YOU A JACKET.
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]
>> SO CHIVALROUS OF YOU.
ALMOST.
>> YOU'RE DOING REALLY WELL FOR
YOURSELF.
>> IT'S BEEN A BUSY YEAR.
>> I KNOW.
I KEEP SEEING YOUR NAME IN ALL
THE MAGAZINES.
>> OH, I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU
FOLLOWED FASHION.
>> NO. I'M FOLLOWING YOU.
IS THIS WEIRD FOR YOU?
>> THE WEDDING?
>> YEAH.
DID YOU HAVE ONE OF THOSE
"GRADUATE" MOMENTS WHEN HE SAID
HIS VOWS?
>> NO. I SHOULDN'T BE THERE.
IT'S NOT ME. IT'S HER.
IT'S RIGHT.
I CAN SEE IT.
I MEAN, I GUESS IT'S WEIRD.
YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE NO PART OF
HIM BELONGS TO ME ANYMORE.
BUT IT'S RIGHT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
>> WHAT DO I THINK?
I THINK WE SHOULD, UH -- I THINK
WE SHOULD GET MARRIED.
I THINK WE SHOULD GO TO THE
SOUTH OF FRANCE, GET A HOUSE...
>> [ LAUGHS ]
OH, WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?
>> ...MAKE SOME CHEESE...
>> YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO BE A FARMER.
>> ...HAVE A COUPLE FRENCH
KIDS -- JEAN-ZOA AND
JEAN-RENOIR.
>> GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
>> NO. I THINK I'M SERIOUS.
>> COME ON.
>> I FUCKED UP.
>> KYLE...
>> YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
YOU LOOK SO GOOD TONIGHT.
I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME ANOTHER
CHANCE.
I MISS YOU SO MUCH.
MY LIFE ISN'T THE SAME WITHOUT
YOU.
HEY, COME HERE.
>> [ Distantly ] MIA!
MIA?
>> I'M HERE.
I, UH...
I WENT OUT FOR A CIGARETTE.
[ LAUGHS ]
I KNOW.
>> A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WANT TO
PLAY THIS GAME I PLAYED CALLED
MAFIA.
>> GAME CALLED MAFIA?
>> IT'S ABOUT -- YOU KILL
PEOPLE, AND THERE'S A MAYOR.
>> HEY.
>> OH, THAT'S WHERE YOU WERE.
HOW ARE YOU?
>> GOOD.
>> YEAH.
UM...
MMM. LOOKS DELICIOUS.
MM.
YOU WANT TO COME?
WE'RE GONNA PLAY THIS GAME, AND
IT'S CALLED MAFIA.
WANT SOME?
>> NO, I'M GOOD.
>> YOU GET TO KILL PEOPLE.
GET TO KILL EACH OTHER.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
NO, I'M GOOD.
>> OKAY.
UM, I'M GONNA GO AND PLAY, SO
ARE YOU COMING?
JUST COME IN WHENEVER.
LATER.
>> DON'T GO.
>> I WANT TO BELIEVE YOU, KYLE.
I DO.
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
>> [ SCREAMS ]
YOU AREN'T ALLOWED OUTSIDE
WITHOUT A DRINK AND A BLACK--
AND A BACK-UP DRINK.
>> BLACK-OUT DRINK.
>> BOTH!
YOU NEED A BLACK-OUT DRINK, A
BACK-UP DRINK, AND A DRINK.
>> CAN WE GO BACK TO ONE THING
THAT I DON'T GET?
>> WHAT'S THAT?
>> WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO KILL
ALL THE TOWNSPEOPLE?
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
>> HEY.
>> I THOUGHT EVERYBODY WENT TO
GO PLAY THE GAME.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
YEAH.
THEY DID.
>> LOOK, AURORA, I THINK YOU'RE
SWEET...
>> OH. OKAY.
[ CHUCKLES ]
NO.
[ CHUCKLES ]
>> THE BRIDE AND GROOM!
TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM!
[ CHEERING ]
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
[ CHEERING ]
[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]
[ MID-TEMPO JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ JAZZ MUSIC CONTINUES ]